92 Days
by prettygirlattheairport
Summary: Unstable Ellie. Bad boy Dean. Crazy, insecure April. Pissed off Phil. Anything could happen. AU. Set in a rehab facility. Rated M for language, mature themes and sexy moments (in the future). Appearances by more superstars, including Sami Zayn, Randy Orton and others. (Dean Ambrose/OC, April Mendez/Phil Brooks, with a little bit of Sami Zayn/OC in there along the way)
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **_Big thanks to_ **angelsdee327** _for helping me get this story going. She brainstormed with me and I am so excited about what is planned for this story! It will start slow and you may not actually meet Dean for a couple of chapters, but I promise this is going to be a good one. Reviews are so appreciated! Thank you for reading._

* * *

**Chapter 1**

I had been so drunk.

See, I was having a hard time with my life. Looking back now, those "hard times" seem like nothing, but I had felt like everything around me was falling in. I had walked to the liquor store and grabbed a bottle of whiskey before I headed to the park. I vaguely remember sitting on that bench getting shitfaced. One thing led to another and I didn't know where I was anymore. I had just moved back in with my parents so I called them, at two o'clock in the morning, to come get me.

Of course, they did.

I wish they hadn't.

I think when the police found me and told me, I didn't really understand. It took waking up the next day and realizing my parents were gone to really know what had happened. That's when I decided to take every pill in the house. That's why I decided to wash those pills down with more whiskey.

That's why I'm here today.

I had not expected this place to be so _huge_. When the cab dropped me off, I was shocked. The property was beautiful. There were mountains in the distance and lush forests, filled with all of the beautiful colors of autumn weather. I briefly thought about how great my surroundings would be for hiking. I used to love to hike. I used to love a lot of things.

When I entered the building, I saw about ten other people with luggage bags, all looking as lost as I was. I noticed a small, olive-skinned girl. There was a man with many tattoos and two meatheads with really tight shirts. The lady behind the counter looked tired but greeted me with a smile anyway. I vaguely saw a man in a suit approach the group of strangers in the lobby but didn't bother to pay much attention to what he was saying. My mind was screaming at me to run but I knew I couldn't.

My name is Ellie Watson and this is my first day at rehab.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's**** Note:** _I am posting story-related photos here, if anyone is interested: _

* * *

**Chapter 2**

After orientation, they had showed us to our rooms.

I was one of the lucky ones who got their own room. I was thankful because I don't think I would survive being cooped up with a stranger for three months. Don't get me wrong, everyone seemed nice enough at orientation, but there's kind of this unspoken understanding that none of us really want to be here. I guess that's why we _are _here, or at least what they'll try to tell us: that we have problems, an addiction, and we need to be fixed.

In my opinion, my only problem is that I'm still alive.

As I emptied out my bag, I realized just how little I had brought. I put my clothes in the drawers and put out my toiletries. I placed a photograph of my parents on the bedside table. I didn't have to be to our first meeting until seven o'clock, so I decided to take an hour and a half nap. I wrapped myself in my mother's blanket that I had brought with me and dozed off.

* * *

As we sat in a circle in the center of the room, I felt uncomfortable and on display. I knew I looked like shit. I hadn't even bothered to comb my hair after my nap and it was in a messy bun on the top of my head. I was wearing black leggings, a black tank top, and an oversized plaid button down. It was my dad's. In my head, I felt like wearing it meant he was here with me in a way.

I could tell I was fidgeting. I kept messing with the buttons at the end of the sleeves of my shirt. I could taste the blood in my mouth from where I had broken the skin on my lip from nibbling at it nervously. Every once in a while, I stole a glance up and at everyone surrounding me. What a group we were.

Next to me was the small girl from the lobby that I had noticed earlier. She was wearing jean shorts and a big, oversized hoody. The converse on her feet looked like they had seen better days. The hood of her sweatshirt was pulled up over her head and her knees were drawn close to her body.

In the two seats beside her were the two meatheads. One had tattoos up and down his arms. I noticed a lot of skulls. They were terrible. His friend looked so bright and cheerful and it made me wonder if he knew where he was. Next to them was a man with a scruffy face and tattoos all over. He was glaring at them, clearly annoyed by their conversation. He noticed me looking at him and glared at me instead. I immediately looked away.

Our guide had entered and begun to talk but once again, I felt incapable of listening. My mind was going a thousand miles a minute and it was becoming overwhelming. When the guide asked us to go around and introduce ourselves, I wished so badly to disappear.

"I'm April," The small girl next to me said in a quiet voice. "I'm here, I guess, because I can't handle my emotions very well."

The meatheads next to her chuckled and I felt like punching them. When she made eye contact with me, I tried to give her a comforting look but I'm sure I just looked like I was in pain. I zoned out, not really paying attention to the people around me speaking, only catching bits and pieces of the conversation. Eventually, it was my turn and I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest.

"I… I'm Ellie."

"And why are you here, Ellie?" I looked up and saw the guide staring at me. I wanted to punch him.

"I don't really feel like that's anyone's business right now."

He looked dumbfounded at my response. I felt kind of bad, considering that my first impression to everyone would be a terrible one, but these people didn't know me. I didn't want them to know what I had caused. I didn't want them to know what I had done.

"Moving on…"

I sighed in relief as the guide rambled on. As I glanced around, I was thankful that no one seemed to care about anything that had come out of my mouth. April, the one next to me, looked like she was becoming more and more uncomfortable by the second. Tattooed guy was still glaring at the guys next to him. I hadn't noticed the man on the other side of him, though. He was staring right at me. His blue eyes seemed dead as they cut through me.

I shrunk into my seat and stared at the ground for the rest of the meeting.

When the night came to an end, I curled back up into my mother's blanket and stared at the picture of my parents. I wished with everything I had that they were next to me, tucking me into bed like a child, but I knew that would never happen again. I felt the hot tears spring from my eyes and roll down my cheeks. My body shook the remainder of the night. At one point, I ran to the bathroom and emptied my stomach into the toilet.

I didn't sleep at all.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

When I woke up, I knew something wasn't right.

Maybe it was being at rehab, or the absence of alcohol, or the sobering fact that I had no one to call home to. It was impossible to shake the feeling. The anxiety rose from deep down inside of my stomach and it made my head pound. Little shakes would rip through my body and I began to realize that maybe this was some form of withdrawal. Occasionally, I contemplated going to my room and trying to end it all again but I knew I was being watched like a hawk, so I did the only thing I could do.

I grabbed a pack of cigarettes and found a quiet place outside.

Quiet. Quiet places have always been both soothing and absolutely terrifying for me. Part of me wants to push everyone away from me and isolate myself in the harshest fashion. Another part of me starts screaming, wishing there was someone to be by my side. Most of the time, I guess, I don't make much sense at all, even to myself.

I found a small park bench by the back entrance of the facility and lit up my cigarette. The first pull was a godsend, rushing down into my lungs and soothing the ache of my stressed soul. As I slowly inhaled and exhaled, my eyes closed and I leaned my head against the wall.

"For fuck's sake!" The low, scratchy voice ripped me from my little slice of heaven.

"Excuse me?"

"What the _fuck _does a guy got to do for some privacy in this shithole?" He said as he turned to walk away. I realized now he was the man from the meeting last night, the one who had stared at me.

"_Sorry,_" I said, raising my arms as I stood up. "Didn't realize you owned the place."

He turned around, glaring at me. "No, I just want some fucking privacy."

"Maybe I did, too!" I couldn't believe I was raising my voice at a stranger.

"Oh, fuck off."

I watched as he stormed off and just sighed as I slipped down onto the bench once again. The encounter had me shaken. I could feel that my palms were sweaty. I was suddenly aware of the breeze in the air and how inadequately I was dressed. I began pulling harder and harder on my cigarette, smoking so hard that I almost made myself sick. I couldn't help but wonder how I had _already _made an enemy.

* * *

There was a movie night in the lobby tonight – they said it was supposed to encourage us to form a "community of love and support", so they "strongly recommended attending" – and I figured that since I didn't really have anything else to do, it would keep me busy. They were playing _Dirty Dancing_. I vaguely thought of how much my mother loved the movie but tried my best to push those thoughts to the side.

As I prepared to leave my room, I looked in the mirror for what seemed like the first time in years. I realized I hardly recognized myself. I had lost so much weight in the past few months and my skin that once upon a time had been a nice, vibrant olive tone, was now a sickly pale shade of white. My almost black hair stood out harshly against my skin and made the bags under my eyes more obvious.

I sighed, twisting my hair into a messy knot, and putting on my dad's button down before I headed to the lobby.

Only a couple of people were there. The man with all of the tattoos and the big beard was sitting by himself in the corner. He was watching the screen but didn't seem interested. The little girl who had sat next to me at the meeting was sitting on the couch so I decided to join her.

"Do you mind if I sit here?"

She shook her head and gave me a small smile as she drew her knees up to her chest.

We sat in silence for a while and I watched the screen but didn't pay attention. I felt sort of like a zombie.

I noticed the two meathead guys from the meeting and frowned when I saw them pointing at the girl next to me – April, if I remember correctly – and laughing a bit. I didn't say anything at first but it kept on happening, over and over again. I tried to keep my mouth shut. After all, I wasn't really one for many words. However, when the shitty skull tattoo kid made an obscene gesture in her direction, something in me snapped.

I was on my feet before I even realized what was happening.

"Hey, you got a fucking problem, man?"

I hadn't realized how big the guy was until he stood up to face me, looking down on me as if he wanted to squash me under his feet. "Are you talking to me?"

I could feel myself wavering but on the outside, it didn't show.

"Yeah, I am," I said, taking a step closer to him and looking him dead in the eye. "You can stop your fucking looks over at April here. I don't know what is so damn funny to you but I don't really care either. Cut your shit." (I silently pleaded with whatever gods might exist that her name would actually be April.)

"Do you _know _who you're talking to? I'm Randy _fucking _Orton."

"Is that… supposed to do something for me?" (Honestly. I didn't know who the fuck this guy was.)

"You little bitch!" He spat out and moved towards me. In that split second, I thought for sure I was about to be punched in the face by this bro. I closed my eyes tightly and braced myself but the impact didn't come. Instead, I felt a figure step in front of me and gently push me back.

"Look now, _asshole,_ step off. She's just a girl."

"So you want to pay for what she just said to me?"

"Oh, _come on!_" I heard the man say and realized he was the bearded man who had been sitting off by himself. He was also much larger than I had observed. "Randall – can I call you that? Thanks, man. Anyway, Randall…" I heard the other man growl, as if he was about to snap. "Back off or I will _make you_ back off."

Just as I thought Randy was going to haul off and kill the guy, the nurses and the security guards stepped in. I had forgotten where we were. I turned around to see April looking alarmed. I watched as the guards separated the two and the two big men left, shouting obscenities and trash talk in our direction. The bearded man turned around and looked at me. I felt like he was sizing me up.

"Ellie, right?"

I nodded.

"You got some balls. My name's Phil… Phil Brooks."

* * *

After things had calmed down, Phil, April and I had decided to walk outside. It was nice to talk to people. I normally didn't enjoy having a conversation with two strangers but they were different. Phil was funny and a bit of a smartass. April was bubbly but quiet. We didn't ask questions. We just walked and made little jokes. I liked it that way.

I pulled a cigarette out of my pocket and lit up when we had gotten a bit away from the entrance.

"Ugh."

I raised an eyebrow at Phil and laughed.

"Those things are fucking gross," He said and spit on the ground. "I don't do that shit. No drugs, no alcohol, no cigarettes. I don't sleep around. I take care of my body."

"If you're so damn perfect, then why the hell are you in rehab?" We both were surprised when we heard the words come from April's mouth. Who knew she had a mouth on her?

Phil laughed heartily and I realized for the first time that he had a lip ring. It was a good look for him. I would be lying if I said he wasn't an attractive man. He was an acquired type, though... rough around the edges and a bit on the grungy side.

"I'm here because a judge ordered me to be here. I beat the shit out of this punk at my buddy's show. He threw a beer on my friend and told him to loosen up a bit, so I loosened him up a bit."

"God, you sound like a dick," April laughed.

As we rounded the corner, I recognized that we were in the same spot I had smoked earlier. On the bench sat the man who had been so unpleasant to me just hours earlier. Before I could even think about turning around to leave, he threw his hands up in the air.

"Are you _stalking _me or something?"

I huffed, narrowing my eyes at him. "You know what-"

"Oh, lay off, Dean."

I looked up in surprise at Phil. He was laughing and threw a rock in the man's direction.

"Oh, fuck off, man."

"Come on, what's got your panties in a twist?"

"I just want some fucking privacy," The man – Dean, I guess – huffed out.

"You two know each other?" I asked.

Phil smiled. "Ladies, meet my horrible but endearing roommate, Dean Ambrose."

* * *

**Author's Note:**I'm actually feeling really good about how this one came out. I am working _really hard _on this story so I hope that you all will enjoy it. I noticed I had a ton of readers and not many reviews. I really love to hear from you guys and appreciate all of your feedback (even criticism), so please don't hesitate to leave me a note.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

I hadn't slept. The night had been spent struggling with my anxiety and surging feelings of withdrawal. Maybe I was just frustrated, but when Dean sat down at the breakfast table with myself, April, and Phil, I couldn't help the feisty comment that slipped from my mouth.

"I thought you liked your precious privacy, huh?"

"I thought girls usually _try _to look like they didn't just wake up."

"God, is your dick really that small?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"In your fucking dreams, asshole…"

"You _wish _my dreams centered around you, honey."

"God, did you not get enough attention as a child? Is that your fucking problem? You don't know when to shut up?"

It was that moment when I knew I had went too far.

Dean's eyes turned dark and it looked like he had been slapped. He immediately pushed hard against the table, making it rock back and forth, and stormed out of the dining hall murmuring things like "fucking bitch" and other insults I couldn't quite decipher.

Phil looked at me with both a look of sympathy and disappointment. He shook his head a bit. April just sat quiet, looking like she was a bit shaken up. Maybe she didn't like confrontation. She looked so small, holding her knees to her chest as if to shield her from the exchange she had just witnessed.

"You gotta be careful with Dean," Phil said quietly, breaking the silence.

"He's such a _prick_."

"Ellie, he had a rough childhood." I looked up at Phil and saw his eyes were soft. He wasn't trying to make me feel guilty. He was trying to warn me. He was looking out for Dean. "Don't bring up that kind of stuff with him. I know you didn't mean it, but it makes him freak out."

I just nodded, looking down and picking at the sleeves of my father's shirt.

I couldn't deny the overwhelming guilt that I felt.

* * *

_(April's POV)_

I had found a secret spot.

It was this little patch of woods with a clearing, only a minute's walk from the front door of the facilities. There was a nice tree to lean up against and just the right mix of shade and sunshine. It was a beautiful day and I couldn't let it be wasted, so I pulled on a pair of jean shorts and a hoodie and went to my little place.

I settled down against the tree and pulled out my book. It's shameful but I've always loved young adult fiction, especially the love stories. They're always so hopeful, so naïve, kind of like myself. I've always trusted people I shouldn't and been burned in return. I've always given people second chances and been taken advantage of. These stories made me feel like, maybe, one day I would have my fairytale ending.

"Fancy seeing you here."

I screamed, clutching my chest, as I was ripped away from my book. When I turned to look, I saw Phil standing behind me with an amused grin on his face.

"Sorry, hun, didn't mean to scare you."

With a small smile, I tried to shrug it off and act like it was no big deal but my heart was still racing. I had always been jumpy. My past had made me that way. I breathed in and out and tried to calm myself down. "What are you doing out here?"

He motioned to sit down beside me and I nodded.

"I was looking for some peace and quiet but I guess I found something a bit better." I scrunched up my nose, trying to figure out what he meant. He just stared at me like I was crazy and laughed. "You… April. I found you, sitting here."

I laughed a little and hung my head, trying to hide my blushing cheeks.

"What are you reading?" He said, grabbing my book as I tried to catch it back from him before he could read the title. "_The Fault in Our Stars?" _He read with a laugh. "Isn't this for like, fifteen-year-old girls? I expected better from you, Mendez."

I shrugged, "I'm a romantic."

"Oh, _no_. Don't tell me you're one of those girls."

"What girls?"

"The kind who think this shit is real," He said, tapping the book in his hand.

I let out a dry laugh, feeling a bit of a pain in my chest. "Trust me, I know it's not real. It's still nice to pretend, though."

My confession hung in the air, making the atmosphere thick and awkward. He didn't say anything for a second before he put the book back in my lap. He looked at me for a second, as if he was contemplating speaking, but stood up instead. "I'll see you around, chick."

* * *

_(back to Ellie's POV)_

It was another movie night.

They were playing _Ferris Bueller _and since it was one of my favorite movies, I decided to go. Dean's comment earlier had made me a bit self-conscious so I actually showered and got ready to meet everyone this time.

I let my hair dry in its natural state, curly and wild, and it hung down onto my shoulders. I put on a little bit of makeup but not much; it just wasn't my style. I wore tight, black leggings and a baggy Minor Threat t-shirt. As always, I threw my dad's flannel over my shirt. I slipped on my flip flops and headed to the lobby.

April was already there and smiled as I sat down next to her. We were getting more comfortable around each other and it felt nice to have someone to hang out with. When Phil showed up, he looked at my shirt and threw me a thumbs up but then his mouth formed a frown. I looked at him inquisitively. "They were straight edge. You can't wear their shirt while you smoke, you know."

I laughed. "I'll do what I want, Brooks."

He just laughed, letting me know he was joking.

We sat comfortably and watched the movie together. I saw Randy and his friend, who I now knew was named John, as they walked through and I didn't miss the dirty look that Randy gave me. I kept looking around, hoping I would see Dean, but I never did. I had an ache in my stomach that was telling me to apologize to him but I wasn't quite brave enough to search him out.

When the movie finished, we went and sat outside by the bonfire that the staff had made for the rehab patients. Everyone else had gone to bed but we weren't tired yet. I laughed a bit as I lit up a cigarette and saw Phil shake his head at me.

"Phil, did anyone ever tell you that you're a bit of an ass?"

"All the time," He laughed.

April smiled at the two of us but remained silent. She was an interesting one. One second she was a firecracker and the next she was as quiet as could be. I wondered vaguely what her story was but decided now wasn't the time to bring it up.

After about an hour, April had fallen asleep with her head against the back of her chair. I let out a yawn and knew it was time for me to get some much needed sleep. "Phil, you ready to call it a night?"

He nodded at me and looked at April. "I'll take care of her. Goodnight, Ellie."

* * *

_(Phil's POV)_

After Ellie left, I sat there for a moment enjoying the crackling of the fire. I wasn't that tired, in reality, but she looked like she was ready to pass out. Something about the bags under her eyes told me she was having a hard time sleeping and I knew there had to be a bad story behind her. When I looked over at April, I was surprised at how peaceful she looked.

Her black hair was pulled up in a bun on the top of her head. Her knees were pulled up against her chest as always but her head was leaning back against the chair. As I watched the light flicker against her face, I decided I needed to get her to bed. I ran in quickly and asked the lady at the front desk what her room number was and went back outside and picked her up.

It didn't surprise me that she was light as a feather.

When I reached her room, I knocked gently. When no one answered, I opened the door to find she had a single room. I placed her on her bed and slipped her shoes off her feet. I contemplated taking her hoodie off for her but realized that might have overstepped the boundaries a bit.

When I pulled the sheets up to her shoulders, I noticed how she stirred a bit. She instinctively moved towards me, snuggling into my hand, but I gently slid it out from underneath her. I couldn't help but smile. She was a beautiful girl and here, as she rested, it was so clear to see.

I started to walk out of her room but couldn't help but to steal one more glance before I left.

* * *

**Author's Note:** I struggled with this one a bit. It was kind of a filler chapter but also helped to initiate some of the relationships between characters and get me to where I'm going. I hope you all are liking this. Reviews would be much appreciated. Sorry I haven't been updating as much but life is busy lately.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

It was just past six in the morning and I found myself on the bench out behind our building. I pulled the smoke from my cigarette down into my lungs, savoring the burn, needing the buzz it gave me. A part of me hoped that if I smoked enough, one day the cigarettes would burn me to ash, too.

I watched with envy as the sun rose high up into the sky, painting my view with rich, vibrant shades of orange and blue. I wished I could be like the sun, starting over, nothing to hold me back. I was growing tired of therapy sessions and group meetings. I was exhausted with words of affirmation and promises of a better tomorrow. I had ruined my life in one, fateful, selfish night and I knew deep down that there was no saving me anymore.

I closed my eyes, feeling the cigarette smoke burn down my throat, and pictured my parents. My dad, with his hearty laugh and one of his many plaid shirts. My mother, beautiful, vibrant, young, even as she grew old. I pictured them happy. I pictured them alive. I wished to be there with them.

I heard leaves crunching and looked up to see Dean. He didn't look frustrated this time to see me, just tired. As he turned to walk away, I decided to speak up.

"Hey… you don't have to go."

"It's fine," He said, waving his hand a bit. "You were here first."

"Come here," I patted the seat beside me. "It'll be fine."

He looked at me for a moment, as if he was trying to decide if he trusted me. I felt the familiar pang of guilt over my words two days earlier. When he sat down beside me and lit up a cigarette, I fought inside myself to come up with words to say. When I couldn't, we just sat in silence. Comfortable but awkward silence.

I became infinitely more aware of everything around me. Being in Dean's presence seemed to electrify me, in the oddest of ways. I didn't know what to think of it. I could hear the wind, the trees rustling in the distance. I noticed his deep breaths, as he pulled the smoke down into his lungs beside me. I could hear my own heartbeat. When the words escaped my mouth, they surprised me.

"I'm sorry."

He looked up at me, with a slight deer in the headlight expression, and nodded.

"I didn't know."

"Phil told you, huh?"

"No details. He just said I was out of line."

"You were."

I felt a slight tick in the back of my mind, feeling annoyed that he was pointing out the obvious, but decided to leave it be. "Again, I'm sorry."

A comfortable silence settled in and I focused once more on the fire stick in my hand. I didn't notice at first how Dean was studying me.

* * *

_Dean's POV_

She didn't seem to notice my stare.

My eyes dragged along her face, taking in her features. She wasn't conventionally beautiful, but she was beautiful nonetheless. Her skin was a light shade of olive, creamy and flawless, save the bags under her eyes. I mentally noted that she looked like she hadn't slept at all and felt comfort in the fact that someone else shared my fate. It made me feel a little less unstable.

I watched the way her lips curved around her cigarette and her chest rose and fell as she inhaled and exhaled from her cigarette. Her bangs fell in her face a bit, covering her forehead. She was small, fragile looking even. The plaid shirt she wore – I realized that I hadn't seen her without it – fell loosely over her figure. When I saw her turn and catch me staring, I quickly averted my eyes, feeling like a kid being caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

* * *

_Ellie's POV_

I noticed his eyes and felt my cheeks flush at the attention.

He stood, placing his cigarette in the ash tray, and looked once more at me. "Thanks."

"For what?"

"For letting me sit with you."

"Shouldn't I be thanking you? After all, this is _your _bench, right?" I said with a smile, silently hoping that my playful sarcasm wouldn't go over his head.

He looked at me for a second and I momentarily feared he was angry again, but for the first time, I watched a small but genuine smile take over his features. It suited him well. His eyes crinkled at the edges and I noticed for the first time that he had dimples.

"Yeah, I guess you should," He chuckled lowly and walked away.

* * *

When I heard someone knock on my door, I went to answer it and was greeted by April, smiling shyly at me. She was dressed in leggings and a grey sweater covered in skulls, and I envied how she looked so beautiful without even trying.

"I thought I'd come see if you wanted to walk to the meeting with me," She said, animatedly moving her hands, and I was distracted by the way her ponytail bounced.

"Sure, just let me grab my jacket."

I closed the door behind me as I slipped on my dad's shirt once again. When we made it to the meeting, we both took seats and I enjoyed the small talk between the two of us as we waited for it to begin. It was nice to have someone to spend time with.

"Thank you for joining us tonight, ladies and gentlemen…"

_As if we had a choice, _I thought to myself.

"I am so happy to see the progress that all of you are making. I want to introduce you all to our newest patient who will be joining your group. Would you like to introduce yourself?"

I glanced over at the man who our leader was talking to. He looked painfully uncomfortable at the attention, shrinking down into his seat, but managing an awkward, forced smile. He had a scruffy red beard and he wore a grey hat over his head, pulled low, like a shield from everyone.

"Uh, my name's Sami… Zayn. Uh…"

He was stuttering and I felt bad for him. He looked like he wanted to disappear.

"Why are you here, Sami?"

He looked at the leader like he had punched him. "I… I've just had a rough spell. I need help."

The leader clapped loudly and I couldn't fight the urge to roll my eyes. "The first step is always admitting you need help. We welcome you."

I zoned out once again, picking at the sleeves of my jacket and fighting the urge to run out of the building and into the woods to become a mountain man.

When the meeting was over, I snapped out of my daze as April started talking in my ear. I noticed Phil walk up to us with Sami by his side. I found it odd that he was being social and gave him a sideways glance.

"This guy's gonna hang with us," He said, gesturing towards the redhead. "He's wearing an Against Me! shirt. I can't let him be by himself."

Sami chuckled a bit, shyly smiling at us. I just shrugged.

* * *

After much bribing, April had convinced us all to sign up for the moonlight hike the rehabilitation center was leading. We were encouraged to roam free but were notified that the leaders would check in with us from time to time. I fought the urge to be annoyed at being treated like a child but failed miserably.

I walked out the front door to find Sami and Phil waiting patiently with a group of about seven other people. I noticed that Randy and his friend John were going along too and silently hoped they would stay far away from me. I noticed Phil staring at my leg where I had a large thigh tattoo and smiled when he gave me the thumbs up. I regretted wearing shorts though, as I felt the wind blow against us.

Within minutes of April joining us, the guide told us that we could start our hike and to try to stay close. Being the rebellious group that we are, that lasted for all of five minutes.

April and I laughed and enjoyed small talk as the boys trailed behind us. I realized that for the first time in a long time, I felt kind of happy and I tried my best to savor it.

"I've missed hiking," April remarked, spinning around with her arms out as she walked beside me.

"Did you used to hike a lot?"

"No, just a few times. I used to date this guy who was really outdoorsy, but then that relationship went south – like they all do – and so I never really did that kind of stuff after that. I just like how it feels, ya know, to smell the mountain air and feel the ground under your feet and kind of feel like you're the only ones for miles."

I smiled. "Yeah, it kind of does feel like that, doesn't it?"

She just nodded and we kept walking. I suddenly became very aware of the fact that I couldn't hear Sami or Phil talking anymore and looked around to see neither of them were behind us. I stopped April and gestured behind us. "Where'd the guys go?"

She suddenly looked very worried.

"Oh my god, do you think we lost them?"

"I don't know…"

"Oh my god. I can't find my way back. We're going to be lost."

I laughed a bit, although I felt nervous too. "We'll be fine. We're tough bitches."

"No, seriously," She said, and I could hear the anxiety reaching her voice. "I don't like this. Phil!"

I joined in, calling out for both of them. Suddenly, I heard a scream beside me and nearly pissed myself when Phil jumped out, grabbing April. Sami walked out of the woods behind him looking shy and smiling apologetically.

Phil laughed loudly in our faces and April punched his arm. "You're a dick!"

"Sorry, I had to! No thanks to this guy, though," He said, gesturing to Sami. "You were supposed to help me out. You're no fun."

He shrugged his shoulders with a small smirk.

We continued to walk and I couldn't help but notice how Phil and April seemed to draw near to each other. They walked side by side, playfully bantering back and forth, and I didn't miss how genuine both of their smiles looked. April would occasionally grab at or playfully punch Phil's arm and he always laughed big and loud in return.

"Are they a thing?"

I looked over at Sami and shrugged. "Not that I know of."

"I think they probably should be," He chuckled.

I just smiled and nodded. "Maybe you're right."

"What about you? A pretty girl like you can't be on the market."

I looked up, a little surprised, and felt my cheeks flush red. He was looking at me with a shy smile and I could tell that he wasn't the type to hand out compliments often. I just shrugged. "No relationship for me. I'm not too good at them."

"Hey, me neither," He laughed.

"Really? Handsome fellow like yourself is on the market too? I guess we're a rare pair, huh?"

He laughed a bit, sensing that I was making light of the situation and trying to ease any awkwardness. I couldn't help but notice how cute he looked when he laughed.

"We're real catches. Two singles in rehab. I don't think we could _be _more enticing."

I was surprised when I heard a loud laugh escape my lips. It had been a while since I had really laughed. It felt so good and I tried to commit the feeling to memory.

The four of us came to a clearing along the path and stopped. Looking up, there wasn't a cloud in the sky. The moon shined brightly above us and I suddenly felt very small. The world was big and beautiful and it made everything else disappear for a while. I felt insignificant in the best way possible.

I looked over to see Phil throw his arm around April's shoulder and she rested her head against him. I smiled, seeing how happy she looked. When I sat down on a nearby rock, I was pleased when Sami sat down next to me, too.

"It's beautiful," I whispered, fearing that if I spoke too loudly, I would make the moment come to an end. Me, the moon, three people who were quickly becoming my friends. For a second, it didn't feel like I was in rehab. It just felt like a good moment. I let myself get lost in it.

"It really is."

When our leader caught up with us and said it was time to head back, I found myself sad to see the night come to an end.

* * *

I woke up around two in the morning and felt my stomach rumbling. I pulled myself out of bed and walked down the hallway towards the vending machines. When I saw Randy sitting on the couch beside the vending machines, I instinctively covered myself by pulling my plaid shirt tightly closed.

He stared at me as I used the vending machine in a way that made my stomach turn. As I leaned over to get my snack from the bottom of the machine, I could feel his eyes on my ass and I felt like I was going to throw up. When I turned around, I was shocked to see him standing very close to me.

His hand snaked its way out and came to rest on the curve of my hip. I raised my hands and pushed him off of me, which only egged him on and as he stalked closer to me, I could feel myself panicking.

"Come on, sweetheart," He said, his voice sounding like venom. He was much too close to me. "I know you want to find out who Randy Orton really is."

I felt the bile raise in my throat and I fought to get away from him. Every step I took, he took one with me. It felt like there was no way out. When he reached his hand around to grab my ass, I pushed him hard and I immediately realized how angry it had made him. As I tried to make my escape, I felt him grab onto the sleeve of my father's shirt and when I heard the rip of the fabric, I felt like the air was knocked out of me.

I ran down the hallway as tears sprung down my cheeks. The sleeve had ripped almost completely off and it hung, exposing my shoulder. The last thing I had of my father's. My only way to keep him close and Randy had ruined it. I felt like my whole world was crashing down all over again. As I rounded the corner near my room, I ran straight into a figure. When I felt hands on my arms, I instinctively fought against the grip, on the verge of a breakdown.

"Hey, hey, Ellie," A voice soothed and I recognized that Dean was talking to me. "Calm down, hey, it's just me. What's wrong? Why are you crying? What happened?"

I calmed myself down enough to stay still and when I looked up at him, I felt new tears spring to life. "It… He…" I sighed, unable to form words properly in my broken state. "He ruined it. He ripped my dad's shirt."

"Who?"

"Randy."

I saw a look of anger flash across Dean's face as he noticed the rip in the shoulder of my button down. "Where is he?"

* * *

**Author's Note: **Sorry for the delay. I guess I needed some me time. Things have been crazy. Anyway, this was an extra long chapter for you guys. Hope you enjoyed it! Can't wait to hear what you guys think. Reviews are always appreciated!


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: **I did a slight rewrite of the last line of the fifth chapter. Go back and check it, if you don't mind! Also, I want to ask: is everyone into this story? You can be honest, it won't hurt my feelings. I am super thankful for the great reviews from **angelsdee327 **and **TajiaK** but getting two reviews on the last chapter was kind of disheartening. I don't want to continue something you all aren't into, so feedback would be really appreciated! Anyway. Enough of that. Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 6**

As I watched a surge of anger flicker through Dean's eyes, I knew that I was in dangerous territory. I didn't know much about the man who stood in front of me, but if there was one thing I had gathered about him, it was that he had an explosive temper. I had witnessed it firsthand.

"Ellie, you need to answer me. Did he hurt you?"

He was so close to me I could smell him. A mix of cigarette smoke and cologne. I had never realized how _ridiculously _blue his eyes were, but in that moment, I couldn't look away. I felt frightened and confused and comforted all at once. My emotions were a crazy chaos and I just wanted to disappear.

"Ellie. Please," He said, staring deeply into my eyes. "Answer me."

"He… he grabbed my ass," I responded shakily. "And then I pushed him away. I guess… I guess that made him pretty mad. He tried to grab my arm but only got my sleeve. That's when he ripped it."

"I'm gonna fucking kill him," He hissed, barreling down the hallway towards where I had been. I knew that if he found Randy, we would all be in trouble, so I forced myself in front of him.

"Dean, you can't."

"He should have _never _laid a finger on you."

"I can't have you get in trouble for me, Dean."

"Oh, it's not just for you!" He said loudly. "This is as much for you as it is for me. I don't _tolerate _men who hurt women. It's not okay, Ellie."

I sighed. Fresh tears were streaming down my cheeks. I wished over and over in my head that I could rewind the night and stay in bed. "_Please, Dean,_" I croaked out, surprised when a strangled sob followed. "Just let it go."

He looked at me, conflicted. I think he knew in that moment that I was on the urge of a breakdown. He ran his fingers through his hair and I vaguely realized how curly his hair was. It was a mess. For the first time, I noticed how tired he looked. I suddenly felt bad for dragging him into my business, whether it was on purpose or not.

"Okay," He said with a sigh. "But if he fucking _touches _you, ever again, I want you to promise me that you will not hesitate to come straight to me."

I nodded.

He reached his hand up and swiped it across my cheek, pulling my tears away on his finger. It was the oddest feeling, the electricity that swept through my body at his touch. I felt a sense of comfort wash over my bones. When he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me in for a hug, I melted immediately. Fresh tears prickled at my eyes and I let out a choked sob. He awkwardly rubbed my back a bit, obviously trying to calm me down.

"Let's get you back to your room, kid," He said, before leading me down the hallway.

When we reached my room, he led me inside toward the bed. He pulled the blankets back for me to climb in and pulled them over my body when I was atop the mattress. He looked at me for a second with a weird, unreadable expression on his face and then shook his head. "You going to be okay?"

I nodded but I was sure my face told a different story.

"You know where my room is, right?"

I nodded again.

"If you need me – I don't care what time – you come find me."

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

He looked away from me and ran his fingers nervously through his hair once again. "I don't know."

There was silence between us for a long moment. It didn't feel awkward or weird, but there was an electricity in the air that I didn't understand. I was suddenly aware of everything, from the chill in my room to the sound of my own heartbeat loudly thumping in my chest.

"Ellie…" He said eventually, breaking the silence. "I'm sorry… about your shirt. It seemed like it was important to you."

He stood up then and walked out without another word.

* * *

I woke up to a knock on my door. My head was pounding and I blamed it on the amount of crying I had done the previous night. I stumbled out of bed and walked lazily to the door. "Who is it?"

"It's April. Can I come in?"

I just opened the door and moved to the side to allow her entrance. I sat back down on my bed, clutching my father's shirt to my chest, and April sat at the bottom of the mattress. She just looked at me for a minute, as if she was waiting for me to speak, and when I didn't, she took it upon herself to break the silence.

"Look, Dean came to me this morning. I don't know if you've seen the clock –" She gestured towards the digital alarm clock on my nightstand and I sighed when I noticed that it was already 1pm. I had overslept big time. "- but he was really worried when you didn't make it to the meeting or anything. So he wanted me to come check on you."

"I'm okay," I said as I gave a forced half smile.

"He told me about Randy."

"It's no big deal, April."

"It is, though," She insisted. She looked deeply into my eyes and carefully placed a hand on my hand, as if she was testing the waters of our friendship to see what might make me uncomfortable. "Look, I know we don't know each other that well, but I'm here… if you need me. Any time. We're all in this stupid shit together and if you need to talk, you can talk to me. And if you need to not talk, you can do that with me, too."

I looked up at her, tears forming in my eyes, and suddenly hugged her. She was surprised at first (hell, I even surprised myself), but she hugged me back eagerly.

"It was my father's shirt. It was the last thing I had of them."

I was shocked when the words came out of my mouth. I hadn't talked about my parents to anyone. When their funeral had came, I had hidden from my friends and extended family. I had pretended that no one else existed. That's when the alcohol and pills got bad for me.

"What happened to them?" She asked, her voice filled with caution and sadness.

I took a deep breath. I hadn't said it out loud yet. If I said it out loud, I knew I had to face the reality of the situation. It felt too real to say it, but in this moment, I decided I needed to heal. I needed to move forward. So I pushed myself and when I did, I fell apart.

"They're… they're gone! And it's all because of me!" I wailed. My tears choked me and overwhelmed me. My whole body melted into a fit of shakes and anxiety. "I was so drunk! And they… they were coming to get me, April, and they died. They got in a wreck and they're gone! It's all my fucking fault!"

April just held me, as I dissolved into a mess of tears and screaming, and listened to everything I needed to say. It was in that moment that I realized I had made a true friend. One part of me was ripping apart at the seams, feeling the heartbreak of losing my parents like a fresh wound. The other part of me was so relieved to finally speak the words out loud, to finally talk to someone else, and to finally get a sense of closure.

* * *

The next few days were a blur.

I was forced into a counseling session with a staff member who talked me through a lot of what I was feeling. At first, I was very hesitant and even snarky with them. When I finally started to answer their questions though, it felt like it was helping.

They had written me an excuse to skip the required meetings for a couple of days. It was surprising and relieving that they understood my need to be alone. I spent most of my time cuddled up in bed, reading or just staring at the ceiling, fantasizing about my favorite memories with my parents. My pain was turning to sorrow, more of a wishful sadness for the presence of my parents. I was beginning to feel like one day, I wouldn't be so sad.

On the second day of my self-inflicted isolation, just after April had visited me in my room, there came another knock at my door. I was surprised when I opened it and saw Sami standing there, looking awkward with a single white rose.

"Hi," He said, smiling in the most awkward but adorable way. He was fidgeting and turning red and I couldn't help but smile back at the man in front of me.

"What are you doing here?"

"Uh, I know I don't really know you or anything," He said, his voice a little shaky. "But I know you're going through a hard time, so I thought these might cheer you up." He pushed the rose in my direction and then grabbed a stuffed animal from his pocket. It was a tiny, golden teddy bear. Lastly, he grabbed a pack of cigarettes from his other pocket and I couldn't help but laugh when he handed them to me. "I'm not a smoker, but I know you like to… so I thought it might relieve some of the stress."

I smiled big at him, feeling happy that someone had cared enough to go through the trouble of buying me gifts. "That's so sweet, Sami," I said. "If you want, I wouldn't mind getting out of this room for a few minutes. Would you go with me to have a cigarette?"

He nodded with a smile.

"Just give me a minute to change."

I disappeared into the bathroom and reappeared a minute later. I had thrown on a pair of black, slim fit sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt. As we walked outside, it felt nice to fall into a comfortable conversation with him. We barely knew each other but he made me feel at home, in a way.

When we got outside, even though I shouldn't have been, I was surprised to see Dean in our usual spot. He glanced between Sami and myself with an odd look on his face and I felt confused at the gesture. As I lit up a cigarette, he stood up and offered me a seat. His unusual show of chivalry caught me off guard.

"Are you doing okay?"

I nodded, inhaling the smoke from my cigarette and feeling my body instantly relax.

"Good."

We fell into an awkward silence and within a minute, Dean just walked away without a word. I tried to shrug it off and asked Sami if he'd like to sit next to me and he did. We sat and had casual conversation and it felt just right. When I lit up my third cigarette, he had a funny expression as he looked at me and I shrugged my shoulders as if to ask what for.

"I'm just trying to figure out how Randy could have been such a dick to you."

"It's not the first time a guy has been an asshole."

"Well, it should never happen to you. From what I can tell, you're a pretty sweet lady…"

I smiled big and bright at his description of me. "You're definitely wrong. I'm not all that special."

"Eh, my observations tell me you're sorely mistaken."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Orange and red flames lit up my vision. The crackling and popping of the fire lulled me into a relaxed state as the crisp autumn air blew against my face. I clutched my mug of hot apple cider in my hands, enjoying the way it warmed my skin.

"Would you mind if I joined you?"

I nodded, watching Sami take a seat across from me. We were silent at first, both enjoying the serenity of the outdoors. It was easy to forget where we were in this moment, sitting beside the fire pit. It felt a little like home. I took the opportunity to really _look _at him for the first time… I noticed the fullness of his beard, how messy his ginger hair looked, the way his flannel jacket hung loose on his body while his t-shirt fit snug against his muscular upper body. I hadn't noticed how good-looking he really was.

"How come you're not inside watching the movie with everyone else?"

His voice shook me out of my daze and when I saw the smile on his face, I knew I had been caught staring. I felt my face flush with embarrassment and I looked down at the drink in my hands.

"Just felt like being outside, I guess," I said in a small voice. "I needed some quiet."

"I'm not interrupting, am I?"

I just shook my head.

We fell into an easy conversation, talking about the deliciousness of our apple ciders and how good the fall weather felt. As the night continued, he came to sit beside me and I relished in the closeness. It felt good to connect with someone.

"What's your story, Ellie?"

I looked up at him, startled, and tried to swallow down the tightness in my throat. I hadn't expected our conversation to turn so serious. I debated in my head for a while whether or not I wanted to share my past with him. I had spent my week in counseling sessions. I knew I needed to trust more. I knew I needed to learn to talk about my issues.

"Uh… I guess I was just going through a really hard time…" I said, fidgeting with my hands that I now realized were shaking. "I… I had just split up with this guy. He wasn't really good to me, at all. And I moved back in with my parents and one night… I was just having a hard time, you know? I went to the liquor store and I got shitfaced in a park with this bottle of whiskey. I… I called my parents," My voice began to shake and I could feel the tears threatening to fall. Sami reached his hand out, covering my own, and it stilled my nervous fingers. I looked up at him and saw only good intentions in his eyes. "They were coming to get me when someone plowed into their car. They died instantly."

A single, painful tear slid down my cheek and almost instantly, I felt Sami's hand reach up and wipe it away. Our eyes locked and I felt a jolt of electricity course through me. He looked in my eyes in a way that I don't remember anyone ever doing. "I guess I blame myself," I choked out, embarrassed at the way my voice sounded in my weakness. "It's hard, knowing I'll never see them again. They were all I had left. And the shirt… the shirt that Randy ripped, it was my dad's."

"It's not your fault," He said, his voice impossible deep. "You can't blame yourself."

I nodded, knowing he was right but not agreeing.

He stroked his finger along my cheek again and it caused a shiver to run through my body. "You're cold, aren't you?" He said, not realizing the true cause, and before I could protest, he removed his flannel button down and wrapped it around my shoulders. I murmured a small "thank you" and enjoyed the wave of his scent that radiated from the fabric.

I smiled up at him and took out a cigarette, begging to calm myself. It had been so long since I had been so close to someone. He smiled at me, watching as I snuggled into his shirt and took a drag from my cigarette. "You're really beautiful, you know that?"

I swallowed, shocked at his blunt confession. I felt my entire face turn red and looked down, hiding the effect he had on me. I couldn't help but chuckle when he apologized. "Sorry… I don't know why I said that."

"It's okay," I said, smiling shyly up at him through my bangs.

"I'm going to head in, Ellie," He said, rubbing his hand mine. "It was nice seeing you tonight."

"You too, Sami."

As he got up to leave, I remembered his shirt and offered it back to him. He smiled back and told me to keep it for now.

* * *

I walked through the building towards my room, snuggling into the fabric of Sami's shirt. It smelled like him, the scent of men's cologne and something a little like pine trees. I didn't know what to think of our exchange by the fire but I couldn't deny the warmth it made me feel. It was nice to have someone's attention.

"Hey stranger," I heard someone call and looked over to see Dean standing in his doorway.

"Dean," I nodded.

"I didn't see you at movie night."

"Yeah, I didn't really feel like being around a lot of people. I hung out by the fire."

He nodded, and then made a face like he was examining me. It made me uncomfortable and I gave him a weird look. "New shirt?"

I looked down, and shrugged. "Sami's. I was cold."

"I thought it looked familiar."

When I looked up, I saw an odd expression on his face. He looked confused and almost… hurt? I didn't understand it. "Hey, I never got to say… thank you, ya know? For being there for me the other night and walking me back to my room."

"It's nothing, Ellie," He responded and I realized for the first time how scratchy and deep his voice was.

"It meant a lot, though, so thank you."

"Any time."

I nodded, and told him goodnight as I made my way to my room. I climbed up into my bed and was surprised when I fell asleep almost instantly.

* * *

The next morning, I had went straight to April's room when I woke up. I knocked on the door loudly, knowing she would still be asleep. When she answered the door in her pajamas with heavy eyes, I chuckled a bit. "Come on, I want to get breakfast."

She huffed a little and marched to the bathroom to change. When she came out, she seemed to be in better spirits and we both picked up coffee and a toasted bagel from the cafeteria before we went outside.

"You're in a good mood today," She noted.

"I had a good night. I feel good."

"What happened last night? I figured you just went to sleep when you didn't come to the movie."

"No, I was out by the fire. I hung out with Sami some."

Her eyes got a little big and then she noticed my shirt. I had thrown his button down on over my clothes this morning without thinking. I blushed a little and she smiled huge. "Oh my god. Are you guys…?"

"No, no," I said, raising my hands. "I don't know. He's just sweet."

"What did you all do?"

"We just sat by the fire. Like he asked me about… why I'm here and I told him. I don't know why. I just felt like I could. And he was so comforting about it and he listened. He really listened. And then he thought I was cold so he gave me his shirt and it smells really good," I laughed, as she looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

"He seems sweet," She laughed. "For some reason, I thought you and Ambrose had a thing."

"Ambrose? Dean can't decide if he can't stand me or if we're friends half the time. He'd never be interested in me."

"You should have seen how concerned he was when you didn't show up for group."

"I'm sure it was just curiousity."

"I don't know, Ellie."

I bit my bottom lip, thinking. I had never even thought for a second that Dean could be interested in me. It all came as a surprise. I wasn't even sure Sami was interested in me, so the whole conversation seemed pointless. "Whatever," I laughed. "What about you and _Phil_?"

"What?!"

I watched with a smile as April's face turned the brightest of reds. She couldn't stop smiling and I knew in that moment that she definitely had a crush on Mr. Brooks. It made me happy. "Let's not pretend that you all don't flirt with each other every second!"

"Whatever! We do not!"

"Oh, OKAY, April."

"Shut up…"

As we were bickering back and forth, Sami walked by. He looked at me, shooting a finger in my direction with a smile. "That shirt… looks impossibly good on you."

I felt the embarrassment all over my face as he walked off and I looked back to April as we both dissolved into a fit of giggles. "See!" She practically screamed.

It felt so good to be so carefree, not worrying for the first time in months. I felt like we were two high school girls whose only real problem in the world was finding out if our crushes liked us back. For a moment, I forgot all of my problems and just enjoyed having girl talk with my best friend.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**1)** This one was a bit more carefree than the usual chapters. It felt to me like we were getting too serious and I wanted to lighten it up a bit. Hope you all enjoyed this little one. Reviews are always appreciated. **2)** Speaking of reviews, thank you all SO much for all of your kind words! You made my day and really reassured me about this story. Thank you so much. **3)** Any thing specific you all want to see in the coming chapters? More Ellie/Dean? More Ellie/Sami? What about April/Phil? Any back stories you're particularly interested in? I'd love to hear what you have in mind!


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"No, April."

"_Please?!_"

I looked over to see April, who was doing her best impersonation of a puppy dog. Big sad eyes. Pouty lips. Bouncing up and down in her seat. I sighed, realizing that I really didn't have a choice after all. "Why is this so important to you? You can just go with the guys!"

"But they're not you," She said, while fluttering her eyelashes at me.

"Fine…"

"Really?!"

"I said yes. Don't make me change my mind!"

She jumped up from her seat, throwing her arms around my neck, and I couldn't help but laugh a little. As annoying as she was being, in the short time since I had met April, she had become one of my best friends. It made me happy to see her so excited about something.

"Can we dress up?"

"April, you don't dress up to go bowling."

"If I feel like dressing up, I always dress up."

"Maybe I don't feel like dressing up."

"Oh, please, Ellie!" She was doing it again. I wanted to shake her. She started bouncing up and down again and I watched as her eyes grew bigger, sadder. She looked like a kid, begging for a new toy. I felt my resolve slowly fading away.

"_Fine_," I snarled. "But this is _it_. And you owe me one! Big time."

As she sat across from me, rambling on about how we would do our hair and our make-up, I couldn't help but zone out. I had never guessed that my tomboy best friend had a secret girly-girl side. I had never been that type. I grew up playing baseball in the backyard with my dad and riding my bike. I never wanted the Barbie's or the princess costumes.

"You know that you wear ugly shoes when you bowl, right?"

"But not until you get there!"

I groaned audibly, imagining what hell I was going to put through during this "makeover". As she dragged me to her room to get ready for the night's festivities, I couldn't help but roll my eyes at the amount of energy she had.

Once inside, she immediately got to work on my hair. She called what she was doing a "blowout" but I didn't really know what that meant, because the extent of my hairstyling was a ponytail or air-dry. When she was finished with my hair, she put what felt like a pound of make up on my face. I was never the type to wear a lot so the feeling was foreign to me.

I watched as she did her own hair and applied make up to her features. It struck me for the first time just how beautiful my best friend was. "You already look so pretty," I whined. "I'm going to look like a donkey next to you."

"Shut up!" She said, swatting at me. "You're hot as hell and you know it."

I snorted in response, rolling my eyes.

"What's the big deal, anyway?"

"I don't know. I just want to impress tonight."

I raised my eyebrow, suddenly feeling suspicious. When I didn't respond, she looked cautiously in my direction as if she knew she had been caught. I obnoxiously started pointing my finger at her, gasping. "You! You have a crush! You're trying to impress Brooks!"

"No, I'm not!" She yelled and I watched as her cheeks turned red.

"It's okay, you know, if you are. He's into you."

"Do you really think so?"

I giggled a bit, watching as she melted into her chair with a dreamy look on her face. She looked like a high school girl, crushing on the quarterback of the football team. I just nodded at her and suddenly the biggest smile spread across her face.

"What are you going to wear?"

If it made her happy, I would play along. Besides, they'd be cute together.

I listened to her ramble on and on as she went through her small closet, throwing things in all directions. For the next twenty minutes, she tried on outfit after outfit after outfit. After a long debate between three different outfits, we finally came to a decision on what she would wear. I watched as she looked at herself in the mirror and I could see that she was picking apart every bit of herself.

"You look sexy!" I said honestly.

She was wearing tight, red skinny jeans that hugged her petite curves. On top, she wore a black and white polka dot long sleeve top, with a peplum bottom and a sweetheart neckline. She put on a pair of low, black kitten heels to go with it, despite all of my protests that she wouldn't even wear them long. She topped the whole outfit off with a tiny crystal skull necklace.

"Whatever," She said, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "What about you?"

"I have no one to impress tonight."

Her jaw hung open and I had to fight the desire to slap it shut. "You have Sami _and _Dean! Dean _and _Sami!"

I rolled my eyes once again. "I _do not_ have either of them."

"They wish you did, though."

"Shut up."

"We're dressing you up."

"No."

"You promised!" She whined.

I sighed, surrendering and finally agreed to try on some of her clothes. I hadn't really brought anything nice when I came, and thankfully, we were similar in size. After she made me try on about one thousand different outfits, we finally settled on one. I was thankful that it wasn't too showy. I wore dark denim skinny jeans with a baggy, distressed grey t-shirt. She only allowed me to wear it because of its plunging neckline, but it was comfortable, so I went with it. I opted for plain black slip-on Vans and no jewelry.

"God, we are hot bitches," April said as she looked in the mirror at our reflection.

* * *

"Fuck."

I fought the urge to smile as I heard Phil murmur under his breath when he saw April. She walked confidently towards him before doing a little spin and asking him how she looked. I didn't miss the way his eyes repeatedly looked her up and down. I felt disappointed though, when he told her she looked "good" and tried to act nonchalant. I knew he was crazy for her. I also didn't miss the way April's face hung a bit after his underwhelming reaction.

I turned to see Sami looking at me with a big smile on his face. I couldn't deny how cute he looked, in tailored jeans and a black polo with white trim and collar. He had a little newsboy cap on his head and it looked like he had trimmed up his beard. I was surprised when he pulled me close to him, whispering in my ear that he thought I looked beautiful. I hung my head, knowing the blush that stained my cheeks would not be missed.

When Dean walked up, he cleared his throat loudly and I didn't miss the look he gave us. I stepped away from Sami but gave him a smile.

* * *

**April's POV**

My first turn went down the gutter.

Then my second.

Then my third.

By the fourth turn, I felt absolutely mortified. I was losing horribly to my friends. I had been so excited to come bowling but I also thought I would be good at it. Now, I just wanted to disappear. I vaguely heard Ellie yelling for me, cheering me on, and at least that put a smile on my face as I approached the lane once again with my bowling ball in hand.

"You're doing it all wrong," I heard a voice say in my ear. Immediately, I recognized that it was Phil, and a shiver went down my spine. His left hand had come to rest on my hip and his right hand was on my lower arm. "You've got to throw it like this," He crooned, as he moved my body was his hands.

As I took my turn, he went through the motions with me, guiding my body to bowl differently than I had been. When I knocked down seven pins, I couldn't stop screaming. I surprised myself when I launched myself onto Phil, wrapping my legs and arms around him in a tight hug. He hugged me back and when I was set back down on the floor, I felt a wave of embarrassment rush over me. _He must think I'm an idiot now, _I thought to myself.

"Want to grab a snack? Ellie can bowl for you, for a little while."

I nodded, and followed after him as he led the way to the small diner inside the bowling alley. I sat down at the booth while he got us two Pepsi's and a large order of cheese fries. When he set the cheese fries on the table, I didn't miss the look on his face when I started to devour them. What? I was hungry.

"You're so excited to be here, _bowling,_" He said, "What's that about?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like… no one gets this excited about bowling."

"Well, I've never been."

"What? How the hell is that possible?"

"I didn't really have a good childhood, so I missed out on all of this kind of stuff."

I watched as his eyes turned soft and I immediately looked away, hating when people gave me sympathy for the way my life had been. Sure, it made a mess of me, but I didn't need anyone to feel sorry for me. "Hey, it's okay. Welcome to the club. My childhood was shit, too."

I just shrugged, not wanting to go further.

An awkward silence passed between us and I suddenly wanted to be anywhere but in that booth with him. When he asked me why my childhood wasn't good, I didn't expect the reaction I had. "I'm not going to tell you my life story, okay?" I snapped, before standing up to leave.

"April, hey!"

I heard him call after me as I walked back towards the rest of the group, but I didn't stop. I could feel the tears prickling in my eyes and when I saw my counselor try to stop me, I just pushed past him and walked into the bathroom.

* * *

**Ellie's POV**

"Where's April?"

"I don't know," Phil said while looking distraught. "She… I asked her a question. We were having a good time. And then she went crazy on me."

"Crazy?"

"Yeah, she just like snapped at me. I don't know what her deal is."

"What did you ask her?"

"She said something about a bad childhood. I just asked her what she meant."

I just shrugged and went off looking for her. After checking a few different spots, I finally found her on the floor of the girl's bathroom. She looked upset but she wasn't crying, which I was thankful for. I knelt down beside her and lifted her chin with my finger.

"Hey, what's wrong, babe?"

"I don't know," She said, her voice wavering.

"You can talk to me, you know."

"Is he mad at me?"

"He said you went crazy on him."

I watched as a fire lit in April's eyes. Suddenly, she didn't look so fragile. She looked like the angriest little woman I had ever seen. "He called me crazy?!"

"Well, no, he said… he said you _went _crazy, April."

"Well, fuck him," She said, standing up from her position on the tile floor. "He's the one asking questions he doesn't have any fucking business asking!"

Before I could stop her, she was storming out of the bathroom and moving fast towards Phil. I tried to stop her but by the time I caught up with her, it was too late. She was in his face, her arms flailing around as she yelled at him in front of everybody, saying things about how no one calls her crazy and gets away with it and how he was being an "intrusive prick". I couldn't deny how shocked I was, seeing her temper for the first time.

"Look, April, I didn't fucking mean anything by it! I was just asking!"

"Well, _don't, _asshole!" She yelled back, as two counselors approached them and separated them. I tried to go to April but they told me they needed to talk to the two in private. As I sunk down into a seat beside Sami, I groaned and hung my head.

"I didn't see that coming from _her_," He said. "She's so… little."

"I know. Me neither."

"What did he do?"

"Asked her a damn question, from what I can tell. I don't know."

Dean walked up with a smug grin on his face. "What's with the firecracker?"

"I don't _know_," I growled out.

"Hey, you gonna pop a fuse on us, too?"

I looked up at him and glared. "Seriously, can you _not _be an asshole for one moment? Like, I'm _trying _to put up with you but all you _do _is give me dirty looks and say your sarcastic remarks and I'm just not in the fucking _mood _for your shit right now."

He looked at me, shocked, and part of me registered the look of hurt in his eyes. The other part of me didn't care. Sami leaned in close to me and whispered "let's go" in my ear, before helping me up and guiding me out of the building. I lit up a cigarette as soon as we exited, trying to calm myself as I desperately puffed away.

"You probably think I'm fucking crazy now, too, right?" I groaned.

"You're just having a bad day… I hope," He said, winking at me for added effect.

"I didn't even want to come. I just wanted to sit in my room, alone, and read."

"Why did you?"

"I wanted to make April happy."

"That's nice of you, though," He remarked.

April suddenly walked out of the door and I noticed she had tears welling up in her eyes. My first instinct was to reach out and hug her and when I did, the flood gates released and she dissolved in my arms. "My counselor wants me to take anger management workshops! This is so fucking stupid, Ellie. I don't have anger problems."

I leaned back and looked at her, one eyebrow raised, and she sighed.

"Not _usually_, at least."

"Maybe it'll be good for you," I said with a smile, trying to cheer her up.

"They're making Phil take them, too! And I think Randy's in them! I don't want to be in a workshop with Randy!"

"Maybe you can give him some of that anger," Sami chimed in and I shot him a look of warning while I held back my chuckle. She just glared at him and turned her attention back to me.

"It's not fair, Ellie!"

"I know," I said, as I rubbed her back soothingly.

I just shook my head to myself, thinking of what the night had turned into.

* * *

**Author's Note: **First off, I want to say thank you to everyone who left such sweet reviews and suggestions. You all really made me feel so much better about this story and I hope this chapter was enjoyable for you! Reviews are always super appreciated. 3


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note:** Thank you again for the sweet reviews! I love you guys. Here, we will see the aftermath of bowling night, and learn a little more about April and Sami's pasts. Reviews are always appreciated! (Team Dean: hang in there for me, okay? I promise this isn't it)

* * *

**Chapter 9**

I woke up and was immediately aware of the mess of long, black hair that was spread out across my pillow and I looked down to see April, still a mess from the night before, curled up in the fetal position by my side. She had dried mascara running down her cheeks and her eyes, even closed, looked swollen and puffy.

When we had arrived back from bowling, she had asked to come to my room. Behind closed doors, April had fallen apart. For what seemed like hours, I watched as she cried and recollected her past. Her words broke my heart and all I wanted to do was hug my best friend, and so I did.

* * *

_As soon as the door closed behind us, I heard the first sounds of her crying. "I'm not usually like this!" April moaned, as she sunk down onto my desk chair and held her head in her hands. I watched with concern as her shoulders shook when the violent sobs wrenched through her petite frame. I awkwardly patted her arm, unsure of how to help._

_"It's okay, April."_

_"N-n-nooo, it's not," She said in between gasps for air. "I'm a mess. I'm a fucking mess. When he asked me about my p-past, I didn't want to tell him because I knew if he knew, he would want nothing to do with me! I'm damaged goods, Ellie! I'm not worth anything."_

_I shook my head violently, forcing her head up to look me in the eye. "You are not! Don't you dare say that to me."_

_Once she calmed down a little (even though she never stopped crying), April tried to tell me about her past. She told me how her father hit her from when she was just a child. She told me about when she was sixteen and decided to leave. She told me that she lived in her car for a long time. Then, she told me about the boy who she thought would make everything better, and how he cheated on her and verbally abused her. She told me how she had tried to end her life, and had ended up here. _

_I just hugged her and wiped her tears, not knowing what else to do._

* * *

"April?"

I nudged her gently, trying to wake her up. Nothing.

"Aaaaaaapril? … April? … Jesus Christ, woman, wake your ass up!"

Finally, I swatted her gently on the head and her eyes opened, looking at me with the coldest of stares. "Really?" She said, while glaring.

"Come on. It's time to get up."

"I don't want to."

"We need to."

"I don't want to see anybody today."

"Maybe it would be good," I said, "You know… maybe you could apologize."

She sighed and sat up against my headboard, pulling her knees into her chest. She looked so small and upset and I sighed, resting my head on her shoulder. "I'm scared he's going to hate me."

"I don't think he'll hate you."

"But what if he does?"

"Maybe he will be angry for a while," I said with a small smile. "After all, you _did _call him an "intrusive prick" I believe." I made quotation marks in the air and she swatted at my hands. "But he will forgive you. Just give him time."

"Can I wear something of yours?"

I nodded and watched as she got up and washed her face in the bathroom before going through my closet. She eventually chose a pair of low-rise, slim fit black sweatpants and a white tank top. "I don't feel like impressing anyone today."

I just nodded, feeling the same way.

* * *

We both sat down at one of the tables in the dining hall. I would be lying if I tried to deny the butterflies that swarmed around in my stomach, making me lose my appetite. As I forced the food down my throat, I tried to forget how nervous I was to see Dean after how I had acted, and how embarrassed I felt to see Sami after my actions.

One look at April said that she felt the same way. She looked distraught and exhausted. Her eyes still looked swollen from the night spent crying in my room. When we both saw Phil enter the dining hall, I could tell she was on edge. Her hands were shaking slightly and I could tell that tears were already welling up behind her eyes.

"Hey," I said, reaching across and covering her hand with my own. "It'll be okay. He may not forgive you today, but he _will_. You just need to talk to him."

She nodded, blinking furiously to ward off the tears.

I saw the disappointment that spread across her face when he took a seat at a separate table. He didn't even look at her the entire time we were there for breakfast. A few minutes later, Dean joined him at the table and I couldn't really be surprised. Maybe we deserved it.

When Sami walked up to our table and sat down, I was thankful.

The first thing he did was lean down and wrap his arms around April. "Don't worry about him," He said quietly. "He'll get over it." She just nodded and hung her head. When he sat down beside me, he gave me a small smile and I instantly felt relief. Maybe he could see past my outburst.

When I saw Dean staring at us from across the room, his face set in a stiff glare, my nerves were quickly replaced by the overwhelming need to punch something – or him. When Sami saw where my eyes were focused, he chuckled lowly. "Don't worry," He said, "He wants to sit and pout his way through his day, let him. He can be jealous."

I looked over at Sami, a little surprised at his comment, and he just smiled at me.

* * *

We spent our evening with Sami and I couldn't deny how nice it was.

He spent his time trying to cheer up April in every way possible, as did I. Her spirits were finally lifted by the time group came around and I was thankful. It bothered me to see my best friend so down. The boys avoided us seemingly at all costs and I willed myself not to care.

When the night fell, April had decided to go back to her room for the night and I didn't protest, knowing that she had a lot on her mind. I reassured her that my door would be open if she needed anything.

"Do you want to go for a walk?"

I nodded, following as Sami led us outside. There was a small trail – just under a mile walk – that looped out into the wooded area behind the facility and back to the front of the building. We started the walk in silence, taking in the feel of the cool, autumn air and the smell of the leaves.

I shivered involuntarily from the cold and Sami immediately shrugged his hoodie off and wrapped it around my shoulders. I shook my head with a smile. "I'm sorry, I'll get you your other shirt back soon."

"It's okay. It looks better on you."

I hung my head, blushing furiously at the compliment. I couldn't decide how I felt about Sami. He was so sweet and so gentlemanly. He always made me feel nice and in the short time we had known each other, he had always been good to be around. I just didn't know anything about him. I didn't know his favorite color or what his past was like or even really, why he was here.

I decided that during the walk, I would get to know him.

"What's your story?"

He turned his head to look at me, surprised, and chuckled. "Whatcha mean?"

"Like, how'd you get here? You don't have to answer, if you're not comfort-"

"No, no, it's okay," He chuckled. His hands ran nervously through his hair and I could tell it was pushing his limits to ask. I suddenly felt a little bad, knowing that I wanted to know for my own selfish reasons. I vaguely wondered if I should have let him open up on his own.

"Do you mind if we stop? For a cigarette?"

He shook his head, looking up at me shyly. I could see the internal debate he was having. It was obvious. I saw the slight tremor of his hand as he absentmindedly played with the hair that graced his face. I could see the way he pulled his bottom lip into his mouth, thinking about what to say. Most of all, his eyes looked different. He looked vulnerable.

"I… you know…" He started, with a shaky voice. "I was just going through a hard time. I've been…" He stopped for a second, a small smile coming to his face. "You're going to laugh at this part-"

"I promise I won't."

I took another drag from my cigarette as I watched him try to work up his courage. I was surprised when I found myself admiring the way he pulled his full bottom lip into his mouth, absentmindedly biting it.

"I've been trying to get into professional wrestling."

He looked at me, as if waiting for the taunting or smart remarks he must be used to. My face remained straight and unamused as I took another drag from my cigarette. After a moment, he nodded a bit to himself and smiled.

"It doesn't pay a lot. I haven't had much money. You never have… you never have energy or money or friends or consistency. But I love it," He said, animatedly. I found myself entranced by the passion behind the works he spoke, the way his face lit up. "I love everything about it. I've _lived _for it my whole life. And, about a year ago, I got injured." I noticed the way his face changed, the pain that overtook it. "I got injured and I was out, for about six months, and they gave me these pills, you know? And I took them and they helped. But then I didn't need them anymore, and I just kept taking them. It got bad. I guess they became a crutch for me."

He looked up again at me, trying to gauge if this was too much for me. I didn't budge, just kept smoking.

"Soon enough, I guess you could say I was addicted," He continued. "And one day, my trainer found them in my bag. He asked me why I was still taking them and I just… I tried to fucking fight him," He laughed humorlessly as he dragged his hand through his hair once again. "I tried to fight him because he tried to flush 'em down the toilet. And then after like a week of him being on my case, he told me he would pay for me to go to rehab. And if I did, he'd help me when I got back, help me to really get my career going. So I'm doing this. I'm getting clean. Wrestling's been my life. I can't give it up."

I threw my cigarette to the ground, stomping it out, and looked at him. We had a moment of charged silence between us, both of us just staring into each other's eyes. I could tell he felt vulnerable, waiting for my reaction, and I felt myself drawn to him but unsure.

"You really care about it," I said after a while, not sure of what else to say.

"I do."

"That's… refreshing."

He smiled a bit, a big, goofy smile, and we began to walk again. The air between us felt fresh and new and I loved the way it made me feel. He was just _good_. As we finished our walk, we had small talk, and I asked him many questions. I learned his favorite color was red, followed closely by black. He told me that he loved ska music and horror films. The conversation was fun and easy and I appreciated that about him.

When we finally made it back to my room, I was surprised that it was already eleven at night. He walked me up to my door and suddenly, that weird, electric charge came back. I felt aware of everything: the way he smelled, the sound of people in their rooms, the way he looked at me.

"Thanks for not laughing at me," He said, his voice low and scratchy, as he looked down at the ground. He was close to me and I breathed him in, welcoming his presence. "You know, when I told you about wrestling. Everyone always does."

I smiled at him and nodded, feeling anger towards anyone who had laughed at him in the past and made him feel silly for his dreams. I wished that I had dreams like he did.

"I had a good time… with you…"

I looked up at him, seeing the sincerity in his eyes. I could feel my cheeks burning. He had moved closer to me. I felt his hand gently rest on my hip, pulling me a little bit closer to him. I could feel his knee touch mine and I felt a little woozy.

"You're… you're really something," He said, looking at me with a haze in his eyes.

"Am I?"

"You're beautiful."

I swallowed and I knew that my cheeks were on fire. I felt the butterflies in my stomach. I felt the tingle over my body, sprouting out from where his thumb was absentmindedly jutting under my shirt, rubbing my hip bone. When he rested his forehead against mine, I felt like I was going to pass out. I didn't know what I was feeling, but I knew I liked it.

"Goodnight, Ellie," He whispered, before placing a soft kiss to my forehead. Before I could say anything else or stop him, he had turned and walked down the hallway, leaving me in my doorway, stunned. I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest.

After I steadied myself, I turned to unlock my door and go inside. What surprised me was the figure out of the corner of my eye, and when I looked down the hallway, I saw Dean, standing still, with a serious look on his face. Our eyes met and suddenly, a fire was burning in my chest. He looked hurt and angry and sad all at once and I immediately knew that April had been right. Maybe he did have feelings for me. Did I have feelings for him? Why was he always such a dick to me, if he liked me?

He turned around, stumbling a bit, and walked the other way. I sighed, opening my door, and wishing that things could be simple for once.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Alright, don't hate me. Team Dean/Team Phil, just hold out for me, okay? There's so many twists and turns ahead. Next chapter: Anger management meeting number one. April. Phil. Randy. One room. Oh, and Dean might throw a hissy fit. Reviews are appreciated! Let me know what you'd like to see.


	10. Chapter 10

**(Mature content warning)**

**Chapter 10 – **_April's POV_

White walls. Speckled, cheap tile flooring. Uncomfortable, cold, metal chairs, lined up in three rows of three, like a middle school classroom. The room was clinical, at best, but felt depressing to me. If there had been a chance of forgetting I was in rehab, this room ripped the possibility away from me. I felt like an actual patient, maybe for the first time since my arrival in the program.

I took a seat in the second row, all the way to right, and waited patiently. I felt the anxiety bubbling in my stomach at the sentence of being in a room with two people I wasn't getting along with. When Randy came in and sat in the third row, all the way to left, it vaguely registered in my head that we were like classmates, forced to go to detention on a Saturday. We spread out, segregating ourselves from each other. Phil solidified my theory when he sat in the front row on the opposite end from me.

We were a perfect triangle of anger, issues, and awkwardness.

After an uncomfortable moment, the counselor arrived. He was precisely on time as I watched the clock hit noon. He set a folder down on the desk in the front of the room before leaning against it. As his eyes glanced between the three of us, I felt like I was being judged or maybe just evaluated.

"Thank you all for coming," He said, his voice low and rough. "My name is William Regal – you can call me Regal – and I will be the counselor who leads this class for the next two weeks. I have a few simple requirements: You will show up. You will be on time. You will participate. You will not disrespect me or the others in this class."

He stopped for a moment, looking between us again, before his eyes settled on Phil.

"We'll start with you. Tell me your name and why you're here."

"Phil. I called that girl over there out on acting crazy," He said, as he motioned towards me. His voice sounded like acid and I couldn't help but recoil into my chair. "She decided to flip out on me in front of everyone so she got us both in trouble."

I could hear Randy laughing. My cheeks were flushing red with anger and I scoffed, feeling betrayed. Phil had gone from this dreamboat in my head to the absolute biggest asshole I had ever met.

"April, I'm assuming?" Regal said, looking at me. I nodded in response. "How do you feel about what Phil has to say?"

"I feel like it's bullshit!" I replied, earning a warning look from Regal. "He was asking me questions I didn't feel comfortable with. When I made that clear, he decided to tell my best friend I was crazy. I was justified to yell at him."

Regal just looked between the two of us, nodding, before he turned to Randy. Suddenly his laughter stopped when Regal asked him why he was there.

"Beats me."

"I bet _I _can tell you!" I cut in. "He cornered my friend at two o'clock in the morning because he was horny and an asshole."

Regal let out a chuckle, seemingly surprised by my outburst.

"What happened, Randy?"

"I was merely giving the lady an opportunity to ride the Orton Express."

Both Phil and I scoffed loudly, before looking at each other and grunting as we both crossed our arms and broke eye contact. I vaguely realized that we were acting childish but I knew he deserved my anger. I wasn't going to give in that easily.

"You're quite a bunch, aren't you?" Regal laughed, "I'll get you all sorted out before the two weeks is up. Alright! Let's start our first exercise…"

* * *

_Ellie's POV_

I shrugged on the jacket that Sami had let me borrow the night before, enjoying the rich smell of his cologne as I cuddled into it. I needed a cigarette, desperately, but I didn't want to risk encountering Dean so I took the longer walk to the smoking area up by the line of the woods. What I hadn't expected was to find him there upon on my arrival.

"I seriously can't avoid you, can I?" I hissed, my voice sounding like venom as I turned to walk away.

"Look, Ellie, stop," He called after me and at first, I didn't. I kept on walking, determined to get as far away from him as possible, but it was his grip on my arm that swung me around. I was face-to-face with him then, smelling the smoke from his cigarette and the musky scent of him. "Stop."

"Let me go."

"Ellie, just talk to me."

"Why?"

"You know, shouldn't _I _be the one giving _you _the fucking cold shoulder?" Dean said in a menacing voice that made me feel as small as an ant. I felt his grip tighten on my arm. "All I did was make a fucking _joke _and _YOU _blew up on _ME_. Where's the justice in that, huh?!"

"Let me go, Dean," I repeated, my voice small and weak. Flashbacks from times I had long been trying to forget suddenly rushed into my mind and his grip on my arm felt suffocating to me. I could feel the panic in my stomach growing.

"I don't understand it, you know? And then what is this?" He grabbed the collar of my jacket, flicking it, and I registered how close his lit cigarette came to my face. "Is this that Sami guy's jacket? What are you all doing? Sharing a wardrobe now?"

"What does it matter to you, Dean?"

I felt his grip tighten once again. His eyes looked different than normal, dark and scary. "It doesn't," He spat out, finally letting go of my arm. "Just like you. I'm done. I tried to be your friend, but you don't matter to me."

I stepped back, feeling like he had punched me in the stomach. The air in my lungs was hard to come by and I instantly started to feel the tears prickling behind my eyes. "You… you…" I stuttered, trying to hold onto my calm, my dignity. "You don't mean that, Dean."

"Whatever you wanna think, princess," He said, flicking his ash in my direction as he turned and walked away, out of my sight. I collapsed onto the nearby bench and let the tears that had welled up begin to fall down my cheeks. I realized then that my hands were shaking violently as I struggled to light my cigarette.

* * *

_Phil's POV_

I looked in the mirror after I had dried off and examined myself in the mirror for a second, as I rubbed lotion onto my face. I couldn't ignore my tired, swollen eyes or the way that my skin was starting to show one too many wrinkles for my taste. It had been a hard couple of years. I guess it was to be expected. I just sighed and finished getting dressed.

"_FUCK!" _

The sound of cursing and groaning came from outside the bathroom door and when I heard the sound of things breaking, I rushed out to see Dean punch the wall. Beside him, I saw one of the chairs from the room laying broken on the floor. He looked up at me, startled, and I could tell he was on the edge of a breaking point. I watched in silence as he shook his head at me before looking down, running his fingers through his hair.

When he started to punch the wall, I walked up to him cautiously and firmly grabbed his arms. "Calm the fuck down, man."

At first he fought against my grip but eventually he gave up. He sunk down on the ground and I could barely believe my eyes when tears started to spill out of his eyes. "I fucked up, man," He groaned, his voice breaking with every word.

I sat down on the floor next to him and crossed my legs in front of me. "What happened?"

"She fucking hates me."

"Who?"

"Ellie."

"Ellie doesn't hate you."

He laughed bitterly and once again ran his fingers through his hair. I registered that it was a nervous habit for him when I saw his hands were shaking. "Maybe she didn't this morning, but now she does. She probably won't fucking talk to me again."

"What did you do?"

"I fucking cussed her out. I don't know why. I was so fucking mad, Phil."

"Well, why were you mad?"

"She was so mad at me! It seemed so fucking stupid," He groaned. "She's the one who went off on me! She was a bitch to me! But then she comes up to me like I owe her an apology. And she was wearing his fucking jacket man…"

I looked at him questioningly.

"That Sami fucker you're friends with. He's all over her."

"Wait, wait, wait," I put my hands up, looking at him. "Do you fucking like Ellie?" He looked at me as if I was the dumbest person on the face of the earth. After a moment, I chuckled, and nodded my head. "I guess it was kind of obvious."

"He's all over her, Damnit. All the time. Every time I fuck up, he's there to fix it. If she's upset, oh, he's the cool guy with the right words."

"He's a nice guy, Ambrose," I said, cautiously."

"What would you think of me if I was making moves on April?"

I tried to look shocked for a moment but realized he could see right through me. I hung my head and nodded, acknowledging that I knew what he meant. "She hates me, too, if it makes you feel any better. That fucking anger match was a disaster. I kept lashing out at her, I don't even know why, and then everything I said, she just fucking scoffed at me."

Dean laughed humorlessly. "I guess we're a bunch of fucking losers."

* * *

_Ellie's POV_

I stood outside his door, trying to talk myself into knocking. It had been at least five minutes since I had arrived but I kept overthinking it. Eventually, I forced my hand into a timid knock before starting to immediately walk away. I felt embarrassed that I had even came to his door.

Before I could get far away, I heard the door open behind me and froze at the sound of his voice. "Ellie?"

I turned around and saw Sami standing in the doorway in just his gym shorts. I couldn't help but stare, my eyes roaming up and down his body, taking it in. I was surprised by just how fit his body was. The ripples of his toned abs. The strength of his chest. The way his arms flexed as he leaned against the doorway. When my eyes met his again, I knew I had been caught staring at him yet again.

A small smirk took its place on his lips and he motioned for me to come closer. "Do you want to come in?"

"I-I'm sorry. I don't want to bother you," I replied timidly, standing outside his doorway.

"Never. Come here."

He wrapped his arm around me and led me into his room. My head was swimming at the closeness and the feel of his skin against me. He smelled delicious. When we got inside of his room, I was surprised by how clean it was. He had a single room, like me, and I felt thankful for the privacy.

He sat atop his bed and pulled me with him. I crossed my legs and positioned myself in front of him, as he looked at me expectantly, as if asking me why I was there. "I… I don't know why I came to your room," I said quietly, "It's been a bad day."

He pulled me closer to him. "Tell me about it."

"Dean went off on me."

"Why?"

"I… I don't know. I guess he thought I owed him an apology for the other day." I vaguely registered how he looked at me like maybe Dean had been right but chose to ignore it. "And I guess when I was still mad at him, it set him off. He told me… he said I didn't matter to him. That we weren't friends."

Sami frowned, pulling me in for a hug. "He's just being an ass. Give him time."

I nodded, snuggling closer to him.

"Nice jacket, love," He whispered in my ear and I felt my face burning.

"It was cold this morning… I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It looks good on you."

I don't think my face has ever felt so warm.

"Thanks…"

In a second, everything changed. I felt the butterflies swarming in my stomach at the way he looked into my eyes. My pulse jumped when his hand came to rest across my cheek, cradling my face gently. His eyes were dark and beautiful. My head was spinning.

"Ellie…"

"Yeah?"

"I'm going to kiss you."

I swallowed hard, watching as his tongue jutted across his lips. His eyes were locked on my mouth. I just nodded, unable to speak, and as his lips gently descended upon mine, I felt like the whole world exploded around me.

It was soft, gentle, caring. The way he kissed was like a fairy tale. It felt like he was rescuing me. His hand left my cheek and instead grabbed onto my hip, pulling me on top of him as he fell back onto his bed with a thud. I crawled on top of him, easing my hips down onto his. I didn't miss the groan that escaped his lips at the feel of my weight on top of him.

"You're perfect," He moaned out in between kisses, his hand on my hip pulling me against him with force. As his hand slipped underneath my shirt and up my side, I could feel myself getting turned on. He slipped his jacket off of my shoulders and pulled my shirt over my head. I thanked the gods that I had worn a pretty bra.

His strong hands slid across my back to the clasp of my bra and as he unhooked it effortlessly and flipped me over to where he was beneath me, I felt the wetness beneath my legs begin to gather. I was exposed before him and I wasn't afraid, for the first time in a long time.

When his hands came to cover my breasts, kneading them and torturing me, I moaned softly into the air. I could feel his manhood growing against me and it only spurred me on more. "Ellie, you're _so_ damn beautiful," He said, before his mouth lowered onto my nipple, gently biting and teasing it.

My hands were in his hair and I felt intoxicated. Next thing I knew, he had flipped me once again, grabbing onto my hips and settling me down on top of him. His hardness settled against me and I absentmindedly grinded my hips against him. When he gently moaned, I felt myself losing control.

I stood up, drawing my pants and my underwear down to my ankles before stepping out of them. He looked at me, before standing up and lifting me in his arms. He placed me on my back on the bed before pulling his own shorts down. "Are you sure about this?" He said, looking deep into my eyes. I looked back at him, his own eyes a pool of admiration and sincerity. I just nodded.

"I'm-I'm on the pill, by the way," I confessed, "so don't worry."

He nodded, before he lifted me once again. He moved closer to the wall, bracing my back against it, before he lowered me down onto him. It took a moment, but once I adjusted to his size, it was pure bliss. He gently lifted me up and down, never applying too much force with his movements. I linked my arms around his neck, resting my forehead on his, as we both moaned gently into the air.

We stayed like that for a long time and I was amazed at his endurance. He continually lifted me up and down on his length, never faltering. Eventually, he laid me on the bed once again and continued to thrust deliciously into my core. Not long after, I could feel my climax approaching and I looked him in the eyes, taking in the sight of his hair sticking to his forehead and the thin layer of sweat that glistened across his skin. "Sami," I moaned, "I'm getting close."

"Come for me, Ellie," He said, his voice low and sensual.

As if my body was waiting for his order, I instantly felt myself pushed over the edge. I rode the waves of pleasure that shocked through my body, overtaken by the way he felt inside of me. Soon after, I felt him fall of the edge, too, and we laid there like that, holding onto each other for what seemed like an hour.

Eventually, we laid down beside each other on the bed and I hid my face in his chest, embarrassed.

"Hey," He said softly, putting his finger under my chin to lift it. "Don't be shy. It's okay."

I just nodded, snuggling into him closer.

"You were perfect."

"I think that would be you," I laughed. "You've got… quite the endurance."

I looked up to see him grinning proudly and I giggled.

Only a few minutes later, he rolled me onto my back for round two.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Don't hate me, Team Dean! And also, don't give up yet. There's so much to come. Review please! I love to know what you all think and what you want to see happen. (And for those of you asking about Randy's past: it'll come to light in the next few chapters)


	11. Chapter 11

**Mature Content Warning/Trigger Warning for Suicide/Depression**

**Chapter 11**

There was this spot – back in my hometown – where I would always go after a bad day. It was this little spot, hidden in the woods behind my parents' house. I was always amazed because no matter how familiar it felt, there was always something new for me to notice. The way the birds chirped in the morning. The way the sun would shine through the leaves. The smell of the air in between summer and fall. Being with Sami reminded me of that. Yes, he was safe and familiar, but it was the little things that kept me coming back for more.

It was the way his body responded to mine so strongly. It was the feel of his skin against mine. It was the way he laughed and the smile on his face and the look in his eyes every time he saw me. It was the way he took in my body for what it was and loved every part of it. The new things I was still noticing.

A week had passed since that eventful night in his room and I couldn't stop going back for more. I found myself in front of his room almost every night and throughout the day, he would sneak me off into empty hallways for stolen kisses and heated touches.

When I heard the knock on my door, I knew immediately who it would be. As soon as he saw me, he pushed his way into my room and slammed the door shut behind him. I was in his arms within moments, being lifted up as I hungrily wrapped my legs around him. He was already hard and I couldn't help the moan that escaped my lips.

His hot mouth was attacking my neck, biting and licking and teasing. It felt like my head was swimming as he placed me down on the bed, gently, and climbed on top of me. He leaned back to look at me and I vaguely registered that his eyes were darker than usual, hungrier. When he pulled my shirt down, exposing my breasts, and attacked my hard peaks with his mouth, all thought process left my head.

His mouth slowly began its descent down my body and I lost control. He slipped my bottoms off and I felt my stomach do flip flops. It was new and exciting and I could feel that it wouldn't take long to push me over the edge. When he began kissing the insides of my thighs, it was sweet torture.

"Sami, please," I breathed out, throwing my head back when he kissed the skin at the top of my thigh.

"Please, what, Ellie?"

I looked down at him, surprised by the huskiness in his voice, and nearly came at the sight. He was stationed right by my warmth, mere inches away from me. His eyes were hungry and vibrant. I couldn't help but moan. "Please. I need to feel your mouth on me."

As if my words were his command, he suddenly darted out his tongue to lick me. I would have been embarrassed by the loud whimper that escaped my lips but his delicious attention to my aching nerves cleared my mind of anything but the pleasure I felt. When he sucked on my delicate little bundle of nerves, I felt my impending climax draw closer. Not even two minutes later, he had wrapped his arms around my thighs and pulled me tight against his mouth and I felt my legs shake violently as I came, whispering his name.

I immediately covered my face with my hands and giggled. I felt embarrassed but happy and free. He crawled up the bed and gently pulled my hands away. "Why're you embarrassed, love?"

"I was loud," I said in a small voice.

"You were sexy, and beautiful, and I enjoyed every second of that."

"Me, too."

He chuckled and kissed my face. "I could tell."

* * *

April eyed me from across the table the next morning at breakfast. We hadn't seen much of each other in the past couple of days, as she had daily anger management classes and I was usually off somewhere with Sami. The two of us had decided to keep our… was it a relationship? I wasn't even sure. _Talk to him about that_, I noted to myself. We had decided to not tell anyone yet, to avoid the attention of the staff and prying questions that we didn't yet know the answers to. Not telling April had killed me, though.

"Where have you been lately?" She said, shoving a large piece of bagel into her mouth. "I feel like I never see you."

"More importantly," I spoke up, trying to change the subject. "How are things with you and Phil? Are you all still not talking?"

I knew that would distract her.

She shook her head sadly. I had watched over the past week as her anger towards him dissipated into a sad, wishful emotion. I could tell she wanted to make things better with him but she was too stubborn. "He won't even look at me, you know?" She sighed. "He just makes these smart comments every time I talk in the meetings-"

"And you don't do the same to him?" I said, shooting an accusing glance her way.

"I mean, _I do_, but it's like a nervous thing. I don't know what to say to him. I panic."

"Maybe it's the same way for him."

"I just feel like… like, I want to talk to him, Ellie! But every time he talks to me or around me, I just get upset all over again. I just blow up! I can't help it. He works me up like no other."

"Ain't that the truth," I said with a wink and laughed when April swatted my arm in return.

* * *

_April's POV_

I was running very late.

I groaned when I saw my reflection. I was a mess. Baggy sweatpants and a baggy black tank top. My face looked dull but I didn't have the time for makeup. I drew my long, black hair into a messy bun on top of my head and grabbed my bottle of water as I rushed out the door and down the hallway. _Regal's going to fucking kill me, _I thought to myself.

I was lucky. I arrived at the meeting just as I saw Regal walking down the hallway. I rushed in and got a seat in my usual spot, not missing the way that Phil watched me as I walked past him. I felt like I was at my wit's end with him. Every meeting, I could feel his eyes on me. I hated the way he interrupted me when I responded to something Regal asked or would make a smart comment.

Regal walked in, giving me a warning glance about almost being late, but warmed it up with a small smile before he looked away. He leaned up against his desk in his usual manner and looked between the three of us in a peculiar way.

"Today won't be fun," He said, his voice low and knowing.

We just looked at him, waiting.

"I want each of you to remember my rule about participation today. It will be important."

I watched as he thoughtfully rubbed his chin before pulling his desk chair out to the front of the room. He pulled it up near the front row and sat down in it, facing us. "I want each of you to move to the front row, please. In a line."

There was groans and grumbles spread throughout the room but we all knew better than to disobey.

"Now…" He said, tapping his fingers in a beat on the desk in front of him, where Phil had ended up sitting. I was next to him, to the right, and Randy was beside him on the left. "I'm going to ask a question and each of you will give an honest answer. It is up to you what level of detail you choose to share, but you will share."

The air was beginning to thicken for me and I felt my anxiety creeping up. I didn't like questions.

"Randall," Regal called, and Randy groaned in response to his full name being used. "I want you to tell me about the hardest thing you've ever been through in your life."

He looked stunned.

I watched as Randy suddenly looked scared, maybe for the first time since I had met him on our first day in rehabilitation. He shuffled around in his chair uncomfortably before looking down at his hands that were fiddling together on top of his desk.

"I… uhhh…"

"No one here is going to judge, Randall," Regal said.

"This," Randy said, after a long moment, and his voice was low and shaky.

"Anger management class?"

Randy chuckled lowly, humorlessly. "No… rehab. I… I was bad. I was _bad _on drugs, you know. I've felt like my body was going through convulsions since the very first day." It was as if once he started, the words were spilling out of him. He was speaking so fast that it was hard to listen. "I've felt like I wasn't myself but as the days go by, I'm getting stronger. My ex-wife made me come here. You know, she said I was dangerous, that I couldn't see my daughter anymore. She was right, too." He paused, never looking up from his hands that were now clenched in front of him. "I've been a monster too often in my life. Getting clean has been hard. Here, this place, it's been kicking my fucking ass."

There was a long silence and I felt like if I breathed, it would cause the walls around me to crumble. I was studying Randy, seeing how vulnerable and tormented he looked. I noticed for the first time that he had lost weight since the program had started. I noticed the scabs on his hands, which I could see now from his actions, were from where he had picked at the skin.

After a long moment, a loud clapping broke the silence in the room. I turned to see Regal standing, slamming his hands together in a vibrant applause. "I'm so proud of you for saying that, Randall."

Randy just shook his head in appreciation while keeping his eyes low.

When Regal had sat back down, he was in front of Phil. His eyes bore into Phil's like he was challenging him, betting him that he couldn't do it. Phil looked angry at first, but he eventually leaned back in his chair and got a small smile on his face.

"I guess you want me to spill my guts now?"

Regal nodded, a small grin plastered across his mouth.

"What do you want me to tell you? My parents never gave a fuck about me? The only family I've ever had wasn't my own flesh and blood? I've been shit on by ninety-nine percent of the people I've ever gotten close to? Yeah, that's all true," Phil said, and I could see his cocky exterior slowly dissolving away. He looked frustrated, tired even. "My life hasn't been a party. I never numbed the pain with drugs, or alcohol, or hook ups-" I felt sympathy for Randy as I saw him flinch next to Phil, as if the words had cut him. "I dealt with it all. I still do. I always will. That's fucking life, man. I haven't had times that were harder than others. They've all fucking sucked. The only thing that's kept me going has been a family that I chose for myself and the music that came with them."

There was silence. I saw from the corner of my eye that Phil's hands were clenched tightly to his sides.

"I'd say you're pretty damn lucky to have a family like that, then."

Phil laughed a bit and I saw the way his eyes lit up at the mention of them. "You'd be right."

"Thank you for sharing, Phil."

Phil just nodded.

I felt my stomach tighten as Regal looked at me. What was I supposed to say? I couldn't be transparent in front of these people. I didn't want Phil to see me be so weak. I didn't want anyone to pity me. I didn't want their judgment. But how could I not share, after everyone else had?

As if he sensed my discomfort, Regal suddenly launched into his own story, about drug problems and alcohol addiction. He told a story about being arrested once for being so drunk on a plane that he pissed on a stewardess and I was torn between laughing and crying. He told us about health problems with his heart and how his wife had been his Savior, pulling him through every bad moment in his life.

When he finished, he looked at me with a soft look in his eyes and sighed. "April, I know you don't want to talk about what you've been through, but consider for a moment that we are all broken, just like you. We are all here for a reason. I may be helping you now but at one point, someone helped me. No one here will judge you. Please, I won't force you, but I do beg of you to open up."

I swallowed deeply, feeling tears prickle behind my eyes.

This was it. This was the time.

I stared at my hands and talked as fast as I could, sometimes stumbling over my words. I recalled the times when my father would beat me, feeling the tears streaming down my cheeks at the memories. I told them how I had left, how I had lived out of my car for months. I told them about how I struggled to find ways to feed myself and I felt my cheeks flushing at the embarrassment of my past. I told them about _him_, the man who had made me think he would finally make everything okay. How he took me in. How he broke me down. How he told me I was worthless. How he slept with other women. How the night he hit me for the first time was not so long ago, and how it was the night that I tried to kill myself, slitting my wrists and popping every pill I could find.

I saw as Phil tensed beside me. I saw how Randy's eyes looked at me with sympathy, with concern, and I couldn't even find it in me to feel hatred towards him anymore. I watched as Regal looked at me with both sadness and pride.

By the end of my story, I had silent tears streaming down my cheeks. I willed myself not to sob, not to completely lose control. I listened as Regal encouraged me, thanking me for my bravery and for telling my story. He told us all that we had bright futures ahead of us, if we just got better while we were here. When he excused us, Randy fled from the room like he was running from fire. I saw Phil get up to leave and hung my head, letting out a small sob as I stood, my legs wavering underneath me. Regal grabbed my hand gently, asking me if I was okay, and I just nodded.

When I stumbled out of the doorway, Phil was leaning against the wall. His eyes were dark and filled with concern.

"April, look-"

"Not now, Phil."

I didn't even look at him as I rushed past him and to my room where I emptied my stomach in the toilet. Once I had calmed myself, I brushed my teeth and walked down the hallway towards Ellie's room.

I knocked on the door. Once. Twice. Three times.

I was just about to leave when she answered and I raised my eyebrow at her, seeing that her hair was a mess and her clothes were twisted and pulled in all directions. I didn't think before I pushed my way into her room, spilling my guts about my night.

When I looked up from the ground, I saw a very shocked Ellie and a panicked Sami who was holding a pillow over his privates.

"_Eleanor Blair Watson, what the fuck is going on?!"_

* * *

**Author's Note: **You guys are the absolute best! I can't believe we are almost to 40 reviews. Get me to fifty and I'll maybe do a vote on a story-related one shot, if you all are interested. I hope that you all enjoyed this chapter. It was one of my favorites to write. Things are about to get crazy. There may be trouble in paradise soon for Sami and Ellie, and expect a lot of Phil/April and maybe even some Ellie/Dean coming up!


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note: **I know I kind of dropped the ball lately when I stopped updating. To say my personal life has been a mess would be an understatement. Sorry for disappearing. I know this isn't the longest chapter but it's something. I hope you all will like it.

* * *

**Chapter 12 - April's POV**

I asked her when she had planned on telling me.

The look on her face told me everything I needed to know. Although she had wanted to, she had never intended to. I couldn't ignore the little stab in my chest at the fact that my best friend had kept such a big thing from me. I knew it wasn't really her obligation to tell me but I thought we were to a point where we told each other everything.

Maybe it was just the day.

Some days, you know, the world just feels too big. The world just towers over you, big and scary and menacing, until you're cowering in a corner, screaming for help. That was me. My heart, my soul, was screaming for help. Everything in me was begging for release, for healing. Retelling the story of my past had ripped my heart wide open, leaving me bare and weak and helpless. Even though it was a small thing, the knowledge of my best friend keeping a secret from me was like salt on the wound.

"I'm sorry, April."

I knew she was.

"I wanted to tell you…"

I knew it.

"To be honest, I didn't know _what _to tell you. We decided to keep it a secret, you know? And besides, I don't even really know what's going on between us. It's all still a mystery to me. I mean, yeah, we're hooking up but I don't really know if there's anything more than that."

I looked up at her for the first time and really saw how sorry she looked. I saw that she looked confused, too, and maybe that she was realizing it for the first time.

"You both wanted to keep it a secret? Why?"

"I don't know."

"So, did Sami want to keep it a secret?"

"I guess. I don't know. I mean, that was fine with me, too," She said, huffing in frustration at trying to figure out her thoughts as she spoke.

"That's never a good sign, you know."

"What do you mean?"

"In my experience, if a guy wants to keep you a secret, it's because he has some other secrets."

She looked at me with a slight glare.

"Sami _isn't _like that."

"Alright, alright, I'm not saying he is!" I said, lifting my hands up in defense and letting out a bit of nervous laughter. "I just think you should talk to him, you know? Figure it out. You shouldn't have to be a secret. You're too great for that, hun."

"Anyway," She said loudly, obviously trying to change the subject. "Why'd you come knocking, anyway?"

I had been mildly distracted while talking to Ellie about her problems that the question caught me off guard. Like a sudden wave, I felt that familiar rush of shame rise in my stomach as I recounted the events of the day to her. I told her every detail, from Randy's shocking admission to the way Phil had looked at me when I walked out of the meeting room.

"But why didn't you want to talk to him?"

"I _did _want to talk to him," I sighed, feeling frustrated. "I did! But it was too hard. He saw me so weak. They all did. I just felt so exposed. I felt like if he said the wrong thing, I'd just _break_."

She reached out and wiped a tear from my cheek that I hadn't even noticed was there.

"Or maybe, hun, he would have said the right thing, and it would have put you back together a bit. You should talk to him."

* * *

I stood outside the door, itching to knock, yearning to run away as fast as I could.

A part of me was so desperate to speak to him, to just look into his eyes for a moment. It had been a while since we had talked because of our fight – which seemed so dumb now, in the broader spectrum – and I couldn't deny how I missed him. He had become dear to me since I had come here. Another part of me was terrified… of what he might think, of how he must have judged me, of how weak he must think I am. It made me want to disappear.

When I finally worked up the nerve to knock, I was surprised to see the door open before my hand ever touched its surface.

"I'm guessing you're not here to see me," Dean said with his signature cocky smirk and tousled mess of hair.

I just shook my head nervously and that's when I saw the smile drop from his face. He looked me up and down and must have noticed how tired and disheveled I looked from the way his face contorted.

"Are you okay, sweets?"

"I'll be fine."

"Here, come with me," He said, closing the door behind him and pulling a cigarette out to place in between his lips. "I know where he went. I'll take you."

I just nodded and followed him out the back exit to the tree line, where Phil was laying on a park bench with his nose buried in a comic book. As we got closer, Dean pulled me back for a second and looked me dead in the eye.

"Look, sweets, I'm sorry you had a bad day and I hope it gets better, but go easy on the kid, okay? He's a good guy. He doesn't always say the right thing but he always means well. He's got a hard time keeping his shit in check. Just cut him some slack."

I looked up at him, almost shocked at his candid demeanor, and just nodded. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Alright, captain. See you."

I watched as he lit up his cigarette and walked off towards his signature bench. I sighed, turning around and walking towards Phil with my hands in my hoodie pocket. I could feel the tension and the anxiety creeping up, causing the little rapid butterflies to swarm in my stomach.

He turned around at the sound of the leaves crunching under my steps and when our eyes connected, I could have sworn the whole fucking world stopped for us.

He immediately closed his comic book and sat up on the bench, making room for me to sit down. His eyes were soft and his demeanor immediately inviting. It was as if our period of not speaking had never happened. When I sat next to him, out of instinct, I curled up into the corner of the bench on the far side, away from him. Everything inside of me wanted to be close to him, though.

A soft "hello" from his low voice made me instantly relax.

I just nodded in response.

"Are you okay?"

"I don't know."

"I've missed you."

I looked up to see he was staring straight into my eyes. His own eyes darkened to a deep green, looking at me like his life depended on it. I could feel my chest tightening and releasing as my heart beat so fast I thought it would fly away.

"Me, too." My voice was quiet, small.

"I didn't know… when I asked you that night…"

"It doesn't matter anymore-"

"It does, though, April. I didn't know. I didn't know what you had been through. I'm so sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry for me."

"But I am!" He said, reaching out to grab my hand as he moved closer to me on the bench. My whole body was on full alert. "I'm not sorry in the way that I pity you or judge you. I'm sorry because you didn't deserve any of that stuff. You deserved better. You deserved… you know, somebody to fucking take you bowling as a kid. And a guy who… who was gonna buy you flowers or candy or whatever you like, whatever you want, you know? You don't deserve to be hit, or mistreated, or any of that bullshit. And that's why I'm sorry."

I felt tears prickling at my eyes and I bit my lip to try to hold them back. He was looking at me so intensely that it was taking my breath away.

"You're… you're _good, _April. I don't know how to explain it. You're just good. I know… I know we've only known each other a little while but you've got a good soul. I can tell. And I'm so sorry that someone tried to destroy it."

Tears started to fall down my cheeks and I felt so embarrassed but so safe all at once. His hand raised to my cheek and when his thumb slid across my skin, wiping the moisture away, I felt my breath hitch in my throat. He was looking at me with a fire in his eyes and I wanted to be close to him.

"I…" He started, before pausing, looking down as if he was searching for words. "April…"

When he looked back up, his eyes drifted down and I could tell he was looking at my lips. My breath was hitching in my throat. I felt like the entire world was standing still as I waited, hoping.

He came a bit closer.

Closer.

"Brooks!"

He ignored the voice behind us, as did I.

"BROOKS! You've got a phone call…"

I watched as he closed his eyes tightly and rubbed the back of his neck. He had retreated away from me now and was grabbing at his comic book. "April, can I catch up with you later?"

I just nodded sadly as he walked away.

* * *

**This chapter didn't come easily for me and I'm still not happy with it. Next one will be better/longer, I promise. Thanks for sticking with me, you guys. Reviews are appreciated as always and I always love to see what you all think will happen next.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

29 days.

It had almost been a full month since the cab had dropped me off in the front parking lot. A little over two months to go, and I didn't know if that scared me or excited me. I had come a long way since my first day. I had made friends. I had opened up, even if only a little.

Sometimes I felt bad for the fact that I didn't think about my mother and father as much. I didn't dream of them anymore and I didn't have my dad's shirt to wear. Part of me felt like they were slowly slipping away, like some happy memory I had once invented to keep myself afloat. Another part of me knew that this is what they would have wanted, for me to move on, for me to find strength.

As I walked through the small garden behind the center with Sami, my mind wandered to what it would be like when we all left. I pondered how I would feel, being on my own again, and if the pain of losing my parents would once again become overbearing. I wondered if April would keep in touch and if I would stay with Sami when we didn't live in the same building. We were all from different places. None of us had much to go home to.

It had been a good day, though.

The sun was shining enough to warm my skin, though the chill in the wind reminded me that November was only days away. Before we knew it, Christmas would be upon us, and then we would be set loose to start anew on New Year's Day. Or would we be destined to repeat all of our mistakes?

Despite my inner musings, I was enjoying the feel of Sami's hand in mine. I savored the way the sun kissed my cheeks. I appreciated the sound of the trees rustling and the leaves crunching under our feet as we walked and the chime of Sami's laughter when he thought I was being funny. I never expected the day to change so abruptly. I didn't see the betrayal coming.

But, coming, it was.

I barely registered the petite blonde walking hurriedly down the hill towards us. When she began to call out Sami's name in her singsong voice, I was confused as to why Sami let go of my hand. When she reached where we stood and her body collided with his, legs wrapping around his waist and her lips on his face, the full pain of heartbreak washed over me.

She was beautiful. She was petite all over but had the perfect curves in all of the right places. Her flawless skin glowed in a way that ensured me her soul had never been marred by a life of pain. Her smile was full and happy, as she showered kisses from his forehead down to his lips. His eyes remained open, looking at me with unreadable emotions, as if he was waiting for me to explode.

When she jumped back down to the ground and slid her short dress back down over her thighs, I envied the way she looked put together and laid-back all at once. I envied the way she stood so sure in her high heels, like a teenage boy's dream. Or maybe, she was Sami's dream and I was just a filler to keep the nightmares away while she was gone. The crushing realization of the situation was weighing down on my heart and as I backed away a bit, I felt tears prickling at my eyes.

"Renee, what are you doing here?!"

"I wanted to surprise you! Oh, Sami. I'm so happy to see you. The doctor called me and told me you were doing so good and they said it's good for you to have visitors, to remind you of your life back home, and I came right away! I'm so happy."

She hugged him again and then turned to me, offering her hand, and I realized that she didn't suspect anything. "I'm Renee!"

"Ellie."

"It's so nice to meet you! I'm so glad that he has people here that he can go through this with. It's so brave, what you all are doing, you know. It takes so much courage to get help. He's told me all about all of his friends here at the facility and I'm just so glad that you're here to go through this with him!" She spilled in her bubbly voice and I felt the bile rising in my stomach. _If only you knew…_

"I'll leave you two alone," I said, nothing else registering in my head, as I hurriedly walked towards the back entrance and down the hall to April's room where I fell apart in front of my best friend.

* * *

"Oh, honey."

April's voice was cooing me into a sense of calm as she rubbed my back. I was sprawled across her bed with my head in her lap and I had been crying for easily an hour. She had comforted me the whole time, abstaining from telling me that she had been right and I wholeheartedly appreciated her restraint.

"You know I'm going to kick his ass, right?"

I nodded as I let out a mixture of a sob and a giggle into her leg. "Be my guest."

"Hey," She said as she ran her fingers through my hair. "I know you're having the shittiest day and I know that it seems like you should turn into a total recluse, but don't give him that satisfaction. Let's get freshened up and you and me will go catch a movie in the lobby. I think they're playing Goonies! Come on. If Goonies can't make you feel better, what the hell else will?"

I looked at her skeptically before unenthusiastically agreeing. When she excused herself to go get a bottle of water from the vending machine, I began raiding through her clothes until I found a large sweater to put on. I looked in her bathroom mirror and sighed, noting the red and blotchy appearance of my face. "This is as good as you're gonna get," I said to my reflection in defeat."

* * *

_April's POV_

I knocked on the door hesitantly, feeling the nerves bubbling in my stomach. I had told Ellie I was just going to get a bottle of water but in reality I was walking to Phil and Dean's room to invite them to watch the movie with us. As much as I wanted to go punch Sami in the face, I knew the better option was for her to forget all about them. I couldn't deny that I had a bit of an ulterior motive, too.

When the door opened, I felt my breath hitch at the sight in front of me.

There he was. His gym shorts were slung low on his hips, revealing the defined V-shape of his lower abdomen. He had just got out of the shower and there was random droplets of water still stuck to his body, running down his skin, illuminating the various colorful tattoos that decorated his toned body. He was running a towel through his short hair and the delicious smile that formed on his lips when he saw me made me melt.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" He said with a knowing look, and I dropped my eyes to the ground immediately, feeling like I had been caught.

"I've only got a second – I have to get back to Ellie – but I wanted to invite you and Dean to come watch a movie with us. In the lobby. I think they're playing Goonies."

He chuckled a bit and I looked up to see his green eyes shining at me.

"I'd love to. I'll ask Dean."

I just smiled in return. I was at a complete loss for words at the sight in front of me.

"Does this mean… you and me… we're good?" He said, his voice suddenly low and a serious look upon his face.

I nodded.

"Good." And that beautiful smirk returned. I wanted to hate him for being so… irresistible.

"Also, can I have a water? Like I told her I was getting a water, and I didn't really go get one, so you have to help me out here…" I realized I was rambling and felt my cheeks heat up.

He nodded and disappeared into his room with a confused look. "Wait, you didn't tell who?"

"Ellie."

"Why didn't you tell her where you were going?"

"Because!" I said, as I took the water from his hand and turned to leave. "Look, I'll try to explain later."

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry this one was short. Promise it's going to pick up soon! Also, hope there's no Team Sami's out there who want to kill me.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

"I can't fucking _believe _you."

I couldn't help but cringe at the sound of my best friend's voice hissing angrily in my ear. I had expected her to be a mildly annoyed at my invitation but never had I expected full blown anger. I was trying everything to distract myself from the murderous glare she was throwing my way. No matter how hard I tried to concentrate on the movie, or how many times I picked at the loose threads on my oldest pair of jeans, I couldn't shake the guilt that I had possibly crossed a line.

"I'm sorry, Ellie," I whispered back. "I didn't think you'd be so mad."

"Why wouldn't I be mad?! I don't even know what's going on with Sami yet, and here you are, trying to hook me up with someone else!"

I couldn't help but roll my eyes at her dramatics.

"I'm _hardly _trying to hook you up. Who's to say I didn't just want Phil to be here?! And what do you _mean, _you don't know what's going on with Sami? You saw him kiss _another _woman in front of you! What else do you need to know?!"

I suddenly realized that my voice had carried much more than I had intended and now everyone in the room – Phil, Dean, Randy, two randoms I had never even met – they were all staring intently at us and had heard every word I had said.

"Are you happy now?!" Ellie spat at me. In seconds, she was up and storming through the lobby doors into the cool, windy night. I followed closely behind her, not the least bit surprised when the door almost hit me in the face from how hard she had slammed it behind her.

"Come on, Ellie!"

"Do you _want _to humiliate me?! Have I not been through enough?!"

"You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself for a second," I retorted, feeling my attitude get the best of me, but I immediately regretted the words when they had left my mouth.

"Feeling _sorry _for myself? Oh, I'm sorry. I just have _no one_ to go back to. I just got humiliated privately by the guy I thought was my boyfriend and then you, my "best friend", wanted to humiliate my _publicly _by telling everyone about it! Oh, and then, as a little cherry on top, you bring Dean. The last time I talked to him, he told me I didn't matter to him at all!"

Just as the words left her mouth, both of our attention was drawn to the lobby doors as they opened and closed. Dean stood there, wincing visibly, looking like he wanted to shrink into the ground.

"Look, you know I didn't mean that you have nothing to deal with!" I said, my voice still high and angry. I knew I needed to calm down. "I just mean that I was trying to _help_! I was trying to cheer you the fuck up. I wanted to get your mind off the asshole who didn't deserve you. Next time, you can count on me not doing a damn thing!"

Phil was suddenly by my side, a soft expression in his eyes, and he gently grabbed my arm. "Let's go, let's give her some time to cool down…" He said, his voice full of concern and patience.

I scoffed but allowed him to lead me away.

* * *

_Ellie's POV_

I watched as she walked away. Phil had grabbed her arm so gently and my mind vaguely registered that he was truly acting like he cared for. A part of me wanted to be happy for her but the other part of me was too angry in that moment to feel anything positive towards her.

I knew I was overreacting. I knew that April was the best friend I had ever had. She cared for me and was there for me when I needed her. In just a short month of knowing each other, she had let me cry on her shoulder countless times and made me laugh when I felt like dying. I knew all of those things. I was still so _angry_, though.

It wasn't just that she had invited Phil and Dean. Sure, that was part of it, but it was more the fact that she had went behind my back to do it. And then yelling about what Sami had done in front of everyone, including Randy, so that I could feel even more humiliated?

That nagging feeling in the back of my head reminded me, _you know she didn't mean to. _But if there's one thing I am, it's fucking stubborn, and I planned to ride this one out.

I shook myself from my thoughts and realized that Dean was still standing awkwardly by the doorway, his hands in his pockets and his eyes down to the ground. I couldn't help but to notice how handsome he looked. His hair had grown out in the short time since we had met and now formed a shaggy, curly mess on top of his head. It was perfect, it was him: messy and put together all at the same time. He was wearing a nice sweater, which was different for him. It was grey and speckled from all of the different threads and I wanted to reach out and touch it, feel the texture underneath my hand. His dark denim jeans fit snugly on his thighs and gently tapered out, following down to his beaten up black canvas shoes.

When he looked up at me, I immediately felt my walls go up.

I looked away, moving a few steps back from him, and pulled my cigarettes out. My hands were shaking – a little from the cold and a little from my nerves – and I struggled to light it. Time and time again, I tried but my lighter continued to go out.

Suddenly, he was so close to me that I could smell his cologne. His hands were cupping the tip of my cigarette and the end of his own was touching the end of mine. I breathed in deeply, pulling the fire from his end to mine. It felt intimate in a way I couldn't explain as his eyes searched my own so deeply. I wanted to disappear.

"Talk to me," His deep, husky voice rasped out.

"About what?"

"Anything. Cuss me out, sweets. Just talk to me."

"Why?"

"I'm asking you to."

I scoffed, shaking my head as I inhaled more deeply than I should on the cancer stick between my lips. "Well, in that case. What, you decide you want to give a shit about me for a day? What am I gonna do next to make you be a completely sorry asshole?"

I watched his face twitch gently from the slap of my words but all in all, he held it together well, masking the hurt with a firm look in his eyes and a slight smirk on his lips.

"You wanna be feisty, that's fine," He laughed. "As long as you're talking."

"What the fuck is your problem?"

"Hun, I ain't got a problem in the world right now."

"What does that even _mean_?"

"I'm sitting here, talking to a fucking beautiful woman, and I've got a cigarette in my hands. What more could a man ask for?"

I exaggeratingly rolled my eyes, scoffing at the confidence and annoying wit behind his words. He was choosing _now _to flirt me? Oh, I just wanted to beat the fucking shit out of this annoying, beautiful man in front of me.

"Save it for someone else. Your bullshit isn't working on me, macho man."

"It's not bullshit."

"Oh, okay," I said, rolling my eyes once again and chuckling in between puffs.

Suddenly, his hand was on my arm, pulling me closer to him, and he was looking deeply into my eyes in a way that made me want to run in the other direction and be as close to him as possible, all at once. "I didn't mean a damn word I said to you when I said you didn't matter to me." His voice had grown impossibly deeper and it sent chills down my spine.

I looked down, awkwardly, not knowing how to respond. I pulled so hard on my cigarette that I almost choked. I felt exposed.

"Did you hear me? Not a damn word," He continued. "And I'm sorry that I was such an ass."

I just nodded, still not looking at him.

His hand came up under my chin, pushing my head up and forcing my eyes to look at him. "And that piece of shit – Sami? – yeah, he didn't deserve you. I should go kick his ass right now, but this… this is better," He said, motioning between the two of us with the hand that held his cigarette.

I felt an intense flush on my cheeks at his confession and I smiled lightly in his direction, trying to maintain a thankful smile with a hard look that still said "you're not off the hook yet". I failed miserably. Within seconds, my smile had grown and so had his. I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.

"Ah, that's what I wanted to see," He said, smugly, before putting his arm around my shoulder.

* * *

**AN: **I don't feel great about this chapter. I'm trying really hard with this story but I feel a little bit stuck. I hope you all are still sticking in there with me. This one was the hardest to write. I'm hoping if I just stick with it, it'll start coming easier to me. Reviews are always appreciated.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15  
**_Dean's POV_

She was so beautiful.

I could barely handle it. It had seemed like months since I had been near her, since that terrible night when I said something I would never forgive myself for. I didn't know what it was about Ellie. Maybe it was her gentle eyes, or the way she hurt so deeply, or the way that when she smiled, I felt something inside of me come alive that hadn't been in years.

As she smoked her cigarette next to me, I couldn't help but stare. I admired the way her hair fell over her shoulders and the way her beautiful mouth wrapped around her cigarette. She would let her eyelids fall shut every time that she inhaled, breathing in happily like it was her very life source. Whenever she exhaled, a tiny smile would take place on her lips. She was perfection.

I had convinced myself since I met her that she was just another girl, just a distraction I was trying to give myself while I was here at rehab, but in that moment, I knew otherwise. She was real. She was what I needed and I needed to make her mine.

"What are you looking at?" She asked, drawing me out of my trance, and I noticed the curious look on her face. I didn't hesitate to answer honestly.

"You."

"Why?"

"You're fucking gorgeous."

As soon as the words left my mouth, I watched with pleasure as her entire face turned a deep shade of red. She averted her eyes down to the ground and I noticed that she pulled extra hard on her cigarette, holding the smoke in her lungs a little longer than necessary. "Shut up," She muttered quietly.

"I'm just being honest."

"Why are you trying to be so smooth?"

"I'm not."

She snorted loudly.

"I'm not, damnit," I said with a laugh. "I'm just saying. You are. I don't know how that fucker could ever do what he did to you. What good is another girl when you're around?" She looked up at me with a surprised look on her face, as if my words were healing her. I hoped they would. "I just… You're fucking gorgeous, okay?"

In that moment, it felt like the world was complete. That is, until I heard his damn voice call out her name and all the walls came shattering down like glass. In that moment, I knew I had never felt so angry. He was calling her name and leaning down in front of her and holding her hands in his own, like she was still his. I wanted to punch him or hurt him or just spit in his face but I knew I needed to keep quiet, mind my own business. I averted my eyes to try to avoid the inevitable turning in my stomach.

"Ellie, please, talk to me," He said, sounding desperate. "I promise this all wasn't how it looked. I didn't know she was coming. We've been broken up for months but she still cares about me, and I'm so sorry if you've been hurt…"

I couldn't help the loud growl that came from my throat.

"You shut the fuck up, Dean," He snapped at me. "This is none of your goddamn business."

I looked at him, surprised at the balls it took for him to say those words, and laughed. "Whatever, dickhead."

I watched with bitterness as her hands covered his, trying to calm him down. When she suggested that the two of them go take a walk together, I felt as if my entire world was crumbling down all over again. I knew I had been stupid to think I could be the one she chose.

I decided in that moment that there would never be another chance for me to say it. As she stood up with him and began walking away, I grabbed her arm and swung her around. When she turned and looked at me, I grabbed her face between my hands and looked deeply into her eyes, trying to portray just how much I meant the words I was about to say.

"Ellie, don't you settle for something less than you're worth. Damnit, you're a fucking _treasure_ and I know I haven't always been good to you and I know I haven't always been perfect and damnit, I can be such a motherfucker sometimes, but I swear, _even I could treat you better_ than him. Don't you fucking settle, you hear me?" I watched as she nodded at me, her eyes full of tears that were begging to spill over. "I'm going to be right here if you need me. I will _always _be right here. Don't you ever fucking doubt that."

She nodded again and began to turn away but I pulled her back to me once again, surrounding her with my arms in a crushing hug. I vaguely noticed the way that Sami was glaring at me from over her shoulder but not for one second did I care. "And when I said you didn't matter to me, I fucking lied," I whispered lowly in her ear. "You matter to me so much, Ellie. Don't you forget that."

I watched as she stared at me in bewilderment before turning around and leaving with Sami. I sat down on the bench, holding my head in my hands, and I sighed heavily before lighting up a cigarette. Before I knew it, my hands were shaking uncontrollably and I had smoked my entire pack.

* * *

_April's POV_

"I just… I can't believe it! Ugh!"

I knew I was rambling. I knew I was overreacting. I knew that Phil had grown tired of hearing me talk about the fight about twenty minutes prior, but he was being so comforting and if he was going to listen, I knew I should get everything out.

We were walking along the trail at the start of the forest that surrounded the facilities and I couldn't help but appreciate the way the lights were spread throughout the trees to light our path. I kept on talking about how angry I was and how I felt like she didn't care and then suddenly I realized that at some point, my hand and Phil's hand had ended up intertwined and I felt a sudden rush come over me. Was it trust? Was it comfort?

Then, it was almost instant.

The sudden crashing of memories I had tried to forget from the last times I had trusted. A sudden sharp pain in my chest, both literal and figurative. I saw Phil's green eyes widen and stare at me, while he asked if I was okay. It was like a mental breakdown that I had never saw coming. I was suddenly sitting on a park bench, clenching my hand over my chest and praying for some sort of release from the pain I felt.

I was seeing the memories over again in my head. People leaving. Cold, rainy nights in parked cars. The first time I met him and the first time he told me he loved me. How I felt when he told me everything was going to be okay from now on. The way it felt when I walked in on him and another girl and I knew that it would never be okay again. Then, the way it felt when his fist connected with my face and suddenly tears were spilling over out of my eyes and I was gasping for air.

"April, April," Phil said, frantically moving his hands through my hair and cupping my cheek. "What can I do? Are you okay?"

"Panic. Attack," I rasped out, barely able to speak.

He nodded, rubbing his hand soothingly through my hair. I was slightly coming down. Out of nowhere, I saw an odd look cross over Phil's face and then before I knew it, his hand was cupping the back of my head and his lips were on mine and I was kissing him back but inside I was exploding.

Part of me was kissing him back so happily that I could barely contain it. It felt so good, the way his hand was caressing my head and the way his lips ran happily over mine. I was intoxicated by the smell of him and the feel of his lips. Another part of me was panicking, not knowing if I was ready for this. Not knowing if he was able to be trusted.

Suddenly, I pulled back and found myself sobbing. "I… I can't do this, Phil!" I gasped out, before taking off running towards the main building. I found myself running aimlessly, trying to find Ellie and when I did, I saw that she was standing next to Sami.

I felt so alone in that moment that I knew nothing to do other than to run to my room and run I did. I ran until I was there and locked the door behind me and collapsed on my bed, just wishing that I was in a terrible nightmare and that at any moment, I would wake up and everything would be okay again.

* * *

**AN: **I know this one was short and sloppy but I promise, you stick with me. This next chapter I'm working on is going to be worth the wait and the short chapters and my writer's block. I finally feel like I know where I am going with all of this and I think you all will love it! Reviews on this one are appreciated. Thank you for all of your kind words so far. Also, **please check out my new story called Frozen**. It's Christmas-themed and Dean-centered! 3


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